{ Miss Felicity } My Fabulous Ego

Picked Out My Classes!

2012-01-01T19:24:00.000-05:00

So I'm officially back in school. I enrolled into Great Bay Community College for Liberal Arts to Nursing major. I start January 23rd. I will be taking three classes to start; going to school 3 days a week and taking an online course. I am really excited.

Sorry if this first post is a little jumbled. I have a lot of different things on my mind. Its the new year. I hope to eat healthier, work more on my marriage, do good in school, and blog more!

We'll see what actually happens....

I'm Going, Going, Back, Back.....

2011-12-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

...to school.

I decided to go back to school. Let's catch up. First of all it's been ten years since I have been in high school, I would have graduated in 2001 but instead dropped out my junior year (stupid) and got my GED. I then went to school for Medical Assistance for a year in 2004 and did some other computer management courses. Then recently I went to school online for health occupations. I started in pyschology and english comp. But the school (Ashford University based out of Iowa) was horrible in communicating with me and I left. That was the beginning of the year. Now I owe them six grand :/

Now, I am attending Greatbay Community College of Portsmouth, NH. Today I take my placement test which to check my education level and it is like four hours long. I just tried the sampler test and realized how much I have actually forgotten, and how bad I am at math. So I was just googling "how to do a math percentage" and "fifth grade division" to catch up on my math skills! Wish me luck.

Right now I am just going to take Liberal Arts. That way I can take all the classes I want, like psychology, english composition, and human developments; because I do not know what I want to be when I grow up yet. Most likely I will try to get into the nursing program. But if I had my way I would be a pharmacist. But get real, pharmacy school is all biology, chemistry, and MATH~ so it seems impossible!!

Besides going back to school, I apologize that my last post was around Halloween. Since then Ive been working alot, so has my husband, and we have been completely broke. We have been living off grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, pizza, and fries and I have probably gained 5 lbs in the past few months. It was only up until a few days ago that we actually went GROCERY SHOPPING for the first time in months. So I was finally able to stock up on yogurt and oats, fresh veggies, and other healthy stuff. I've come to realize lately how uncomfortable with myself I am. For the past few weeks, every thing that I have put on has made me feel fat. I have a ton of clothes and I find myself not wanting to leave the house cause I dont like the way I look. And it has nothing to do with my clothes. Its my thunder thighs and my big fat tire roll of a stomach. So I am really hoping that I can get back into a healthier way of life :) Again, wish me luck......

Local {Halloween} Activites!

2011-10-06T12:16:00.002-04:00

Halloween doesn't just have to be for TRICK-OR-TREATers. I thought it would be fun to find local halloween activities for us adults. Check out the cool things to do below, this October!

Screeeeemfest at Canobie Lake Park - Salem, NH

For an animated look at the spooky park during Screemfest, { clickkk hereeee! }

85 North Policy Street

Listen. You can still hear the screams…

Long before Canobie Lake became a trolley park and ultimately the amusement park we know today, a village for workers of the Policy Mining Company sat on the very same land.

A slaughterhouse was built to help sustain the employee population and was half-jokingly referred to by the villagers as the "Dead Shed"- because what went in never came out alive. The butchers of the Dead Shed took their work very seriously, taking pride in the delicacy of the slaughtering process. Slicing through flesh and bone with precision, passionately carving a bloodied work of art for others to consume, the butchers would then hang and cure the meat. Residents of the old mining village would marvel at these edible creations and admired the butchers' ability to provide a meal out of anything and everything that came through the shambled shack. It was also rumored that their skills were employed to deal with disgruntled employees of the mining company. But the butchers could only laugh at that notion.

When the mining village was left deserted at the end of the nineteenth century, the Dead Shed caretakers stayed behind, hoping to serve the next community to settle. Eventually the slaughterhouse and everything in it was left to rot, including the caretakers. The creepy crawlies finally consumed all that was left behind, leaving only the spirits of the butchers to occupy the property. The spirits would continue to gather in the years passing, seeking to resume their original craft. Journey into the Dead Shed if you have the guts-just don't expect to leave with them. (Credit to Canobie Lake's website for this useful information)

--- A haunted fireworks display every Saturday night at 9:30 pm ---

Winnekenni Castle - Haverhill, Ma.

Print a coupon for a special $3 discount coupon! { Click here! }

Located on Castle Road - 347 Kenoza Avenue

CASTLE OF FEAR & HAUNTED HAYRIDE

Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday Night

at 7pm & Last ticket sold at 10:30pm nightly

LIVE BANDS in the Rockin' Music Tent

every Friday night

CHILDREN'S HALLOWEEN CASTLE DAY

October 23rd from 12-3pm

Kimball Farm Haunted Corn Maze - Haverhill, Ma.

{ Click Here } for some fun corn maze facts & to check out their website!

Located on 780 East Broadway

Night Maze

Plan to attend one of our "Night and Full Moon Mazes" and have the time of your life! Flashlights or moonlight help guide you through the corn as you try to find your way through the dark paths.

Also offers a Bruins corn maze, haunted hay ride, full moon maze, giant slides, and pony rides. You can check out the country store, pick a pumpkin from the patch, or pet the farm animals too!

Haunted Maze

Our Haunted Halloween Maze is among the scariest in the area and this year will grow to cover 4 acres of spooky fun. Dress warmly for the haunted hayride , it is the beginning of your scary adventure. Once at the halloween maze, you will be haunted by ghosts and ghouls of all kinds!

Crescent Farms - Bradford, Ma.

Check out their eerie website { Here!!!! }

140 Willow Avenue

Crescent Farms Haunted Hayride is a tractor drawn hayride which, weaves through the fields, and woods of our farm. As you travel through the cold darkness be warned that around every corner there may be a frightful scene and behind each and every tree there may be an eerie encounter to greet you!!! Only the bravest of souls and strongest of hearts should venture on this horrifying journey.

October 14, 15, 21, and 22rd.

Rides start at 7:00pm, a wagon leaves every 15 minutes, the last wagon leaves at 9:30pm.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-03T10:20:00.001-04:00

So I've been away for atleast a month. I didnt find the urgency to write every day like usual. But Im back. And Im working on two things. One being that its almost Halloween and all I wanna do is go visit the infamous Lizzie Borden murder house! And two being that I just wanna get pregnant. Im not getting any younger so this just needs to happen for me.

First things first - the Lizzie Borden house!

"Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
And when she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty-one."

Lizzie Borden was acquitted of the gruesome murder that everyone quietly convicted her of. She supposably took an axe and murdered her father and her step mother in the house that they had been living in on August 4, 1892. She butchered her father while he lay sleeping on the sofa, and then hacked her mother in the bedroom upstairs.

Over 100 years later and the Lizzie Borden house is still on top of the list as one of the most interesting paranormal touring sites in Massachusetts. They have restored the house to what it originally looked like when the family lived there and when the murders took place and have turned it into a Bed and Breakfast.

They even offer a continental breakfast if you stay over. And you eat exactly what the family ate together the morning of the murder, which includes bananas, jonny-cakes, sugar cookies and coffee in the addition to a delicious meal of breakfast staples.

The house is located at 92 Second Street, just 50 miles north of Boston, in Fall River, Massachusetts.

They have an arrangement of rooms from $175-$225 per night for up to 5 people totally $450. There is a Lizzie Borden room, her sister Emma Borden room, Hosea Knowlten room, which was the district attorney in the case, and even a Andrew Jennings room who served as Lizzie's lawyer.

If you wanted to rent the house for a night with 20 people it only costs $1500 (which costs $75 per person) Which I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to do for Halloween, or sometime this winter.

Quick fact you may not know about me. I have always been obsessed with the paranormal. From ghost hunting shows to psychics and the after life. I have always been interested. And whenever October rolls around I jump in joy for '31 Days of Halloween' on the SciFi channel and Travel channel! For more information on the Lizzie Borden murder mystery check out Trutv Crime Library or check out the infamous Bed & Breakfast.

Secondly, I wanna get pregnant!

Which is nothing new. But I read somewhere that if you have sex every three days (or just every 3 days while you are ovulating) than the sperm are always there swimming around waiting for an egg to drop. Because they live up to 4 days. Unlike other men my husband doesnt have a huge sex drive. He works 60 hours a week and is often too exhausted to do it every 3 days like I want! So Ive gone out and gotten myself a few playful wigs and cute outfits to try and coherse him and keep him interested. Wish me luck. I am also going to invest in a fertility monitor soon if keeping track of my period doesnt work quick enough. Mind you, my husband and I have been together nine years and only gotten pregnant once, which I lost last year. So this isnt a normal woman trying to get pregnant. I obviously have some kind of problem. And althought hey havent diagnosed me with PCOS or another pregnancy deficiency syndrome, I do have cystic fibrosis and its just normal that women with CF have a harder time getting pregnant, because I have more mucus in my body than others, it may just be sitting behind my cervix blocking the little tunnel those sperms need to swim up. Needless to say, I need to have a baby before I am into my thirties. That gives me 7 months from October. Wish me luck~!~

So Far, So Good.

2011-09-12T13:44:00.005-04:00

Just an update... since I've been away.

It's been a few weeks since I've written, mostly just because I've been too lazy and havent felt creative enough to make an interesting post.

But in the meantime, I had a small falling out with my husband and we have been working on our marriage these last two weeks and it's been amazing. He is really trying much harder to show me more appreciation and interest, and I've been spending more time at home with him. It's a strange feeling when you've been with someone for almost ten years. Its not an easy ride, it's a bumpy ride. And we go in and out of being "in love" and you just wont understand until you are in the same situation. I try to tell him that marriage is more than just love. It takes alot of extra little things, and a lot of extra effort. He cant just tell me over and over again how much he loves me. He has to show me. And vice versa. And so far, so good. It's been wonderful again <3

We've also been working a hell of a lot, to catch up on bills. Finally have cable back, a new computer, and all bills are paid. Feels good to not have to worry, atleast until next month when more bills roll in. Life is a struggle and unless you go to college right from highschool and finish your degree early on in life, it is hard. So to all you youngsters who think that you are fed up with school cause 12 years was enough... push forward the extra 4 more to get your bachelors atleast. Cause when you are in your thirties you want everything to be easier! Trust!

On another note, I have alot of pictures to update you with. From my camping trip with the besties, to a company outting with the hubby. Ill post soon :)

Tastey Thursdays!

2011-08-11T12:41:00.002-04:00

5-Ingredient Sandwiches! Nice and easy....

I normally work 8-10 hours a day and my lunch breaks arent that long. Alot of times I pack sandwiches for lunch, or even have them for dinner because I am too tired to stand around and cook dinner. Normally I go for flax seed bread (the roll up kind) or pita pockets, because they are low in calories. I do like wheat bread every now & again, and once in a blue moon I will splurge on some texas toast. I am a carbohydrate whore and love me some bread... so honestly, besides chicken and potatoes, sandwiches are my other favorite meals.

I don't know about you but I run out of ideas. My husband stands in line at the deli and gets our sandwich meats because its too much of a circus for me! He'll come back with either shaved ham or chicken/turkey breast for me and hoffman sharp cheddar cheese. Usually I'll eat that with a handful of lettuce or salad mix, and since getting older my love for mustard has kind of died, and Ill normally just eat my sandy dry. I don't often try new ideas for sandwiches but today on facebook I saw an awesome post from {Cookinglight.com} with easy 5-Ingredient Sandwiches!

So here are the ones I would love to try....

Grilled Ham, Muenster, and Spinach Sandwich.

Mild Muenster cheese is too often overlooked; it’s great for sandwiches, burgers, omelets, or just plain snacking. It matches well with thinly sliced ham, fresh spinach, and sweet-and-tangy chowchow in these crusty-breaded sandwiches.

What you need :
- Chicago-style Italian bread
- Deli ham
- Muenster cheese
- Baby spinach
- Mild chowchow

Pear-Walnut Sandwiches

Sweet, nutty, and creamy are the dominant flavors here, with toasted cinnamon-raisin bread, fresh alfalfa, and crisp pears offering lots of crunch. A nice lunch on its own, this sandwich also matches well with slightly sweet soups.

What you need :
- Tub style light cream cheese
- Cinnamon raisen bread
- Walnuts
- Bartlett pears
- Alfalfa sprouts

{I love sprouts and toast so this one looks delish!}

Grilled Ham and Mango Quesadillas

Chutney adds spice to mango’s tropical sweetness, while queso fresco is soft and creamy. Smoky grilled flavor and salty ham cut through both to create a filling, meaty lunch.

What you need :
- Mango chutney
- Multigrain tortillas
- Deli ham
- Queso fresco
- Green onions

Prosciutto, Fontina, and Fig Panini

Sweet and salty are a great pair in sandwiches, and this recipe has intensely flavored salty prosciutto paired with candylike fig preserves. Three minutes of grilling and pressing makes the fontina nice and gooey and the whole sandwich crispy and warm.

What you need :
- Chicago style italian bread
- Prosciutto
- Fontina cheese
- Baby arugula
- Fig preserves

Also on their site I came across a list of the "Best Fast Food Burgers and Sandwiches." Now, I don't know about you but if you are trying to lose weight like I am, doing it outside of your house and away from all your healthy foods is not easy. More times than most I'd haver to admit that even when I plan on getting something health, like some fruit or a salad, at the last minute I become weak and almost out of control and order the steak tip dinner with a baked potatoe. And although I try to trick myself into thinking that it is "ok" because I am "out for dinner" and I should "enjoy" it. Deep inside I know that I have failed and I feel shitty about it when I lay my head down at night. That is why I like this post from {Cooking Light.} It makes me feel like maybe I will actually be able to make better, healthier, delicious choices when I am out at a nice resteraunt, in a quick need of a hunger fix on the go, and some of our all time favorite stops!

Starbucks Roasted Chicken Breast with Cranberries and Tarragon Dressing on Whole Wheat Bread

Finally, a chicken salad sandwich without all the fat. How does Starbucks do it? Their secret is swapping fresh tarragon dressing for mayo. That trade doesn’t just cut the fat and saturated fat (each sandwich has less than 1.5 grams), it pumps up the flavor as well as tart dried cranberries and crunchy lettuce and celery. A bonus 6 grams of fiber and 32 grams of protein guarantees you’ll stay satisfied for hours.

Comes in at 420 calories.

Au Bon Pain Black Bean Burger

Au Bon Pain nails the veggie burger with its hearty black bean patty nestled inside of a feta flatbread and topped with tomatoes, romaine, feta spread, and a dollop of guacamole. In addition to a surprising 29 grams of protein, you’ll rack up an impressive 14 grams of fiber. If the 18 grams of fat scare you, you can relax. They’re almost entirely heart-healthy fats with only 4 grams of saturated fat and close to zero cholesterol.

Comes in at 560 calories.
And Ive always wanted to try a black bean burger!

Burger King Whopper Jr.

Burger King really does let you have it your way. Visit their website and you can customize your burger and get updated nutrition stats to match. Before tweaking, one right-sized flame broiled Whopper Jr. with all the fixings sports a respectable 340 calories, 19 fat grams and 530 milligrams of sodium. But you can make it even better. Lose the pickles and the mayo and you’ll trim 80 calories, 9 fat grams, and 120 milligrams of sodium.

Comes in at 340 calories.
And I am shocked this is on the list, and has less calories than the black bean burger!

{ Credit to www.Cookinglight.com for sharing all these delicious pictures, info, and recipes }

And hope that you enjoyed my post! Feel free to share something similar in my comments!

Takin' It Back Tuesdays { My Nana }

2011-08-09T21:11:00.002-04:00

Today is my {first} "Takin' it Back Tuesday!" Everyone likes to reminisce and what a better way then to bring it back every Tuesday with memories. And believe me, I remember everything, so I have a lot....

First person of topic is my nana. Where to start? My nana died of liver failure when I was ten years old. She was only 47 I think ( or close to it ) so she was young. Back then, when you are my age - anyone with gray hair and you call "nana" is old, but in fact looking back, she was very young and I appreciate her life even more now that I am an adult, and I even sympathize with my mother more now knowing that she lost her mom at such an early time in her life. I am twenty nine years old and I cannot even imagine losing my mother and she just turned 47.

From what my mom tells me about my nana Jane, she was a helper of many things. She always took in stray cats, even if she couldnt feed them. She took in people that needed a roof to sleep under, or a meal to eat - she would provide them with. She had many shitty relationships and my mother and her siblings grew up pretty poor, but they survived and they took care of one another when my nana couldnt take care of them herself. My whole entire family on that side are very "down to earth" and appreciate the little things in life. I think it's because they didnt have much with my nana so they learned to appreciate what they did have.

Memories of me and my nana go back to hanging flowers to dry in her barn. She owed a 3 bedroom house in a nicer part of town where I grew up in Massachusetts. It was probably a 5 acre land with a barn, basketball court, inground swimming pool, and large back deck. It was a place that the entire family got together for holidays and we all enjoyed eachothers companies. I remember my nana babysitting me as a young child, and some other boys from the neighborhood. The backyard was so big and back then, trees seemed so large that it was like a forest to us kids. We would run around out there all day making pretend of all sorts of strange things! My nana used to garden. She gardened a whole bunch. She had many, many, rose bushes. One of which was named Felicite, it was yellow and just beautiful. She found my name in a rose catalog and that is why my mom ultimately named me that by the way! My nana and I would scavenge through her yard and all the way back through all them acres, picking blue berries, and all sorts of flowers. We would hang them upside down in the barn to dry out for a few days and then craft them on hand made wreaths.

Because my nana had so many gardens, they attracted alot of butterflies. One of which always came back, or so she made me believe that it did. Back then I did not know that a butterflies life was short, so every year when "Crystal" the yellow monarch butterfly showed up the first week of spring I would be so excited that she had come back to see us! And every summer I looked forward to seeing her again. Through out my life, probably because of those fond memories do I love butterflies. I ofcourse, have a few tattoos of them and whenever I see a monarch butterfly now I like to think that its my nana visiting me, and not Crystal anymore.

After my nana died she left the house to my mom. Me, mom, my little brother, and my stepfather moved in right away. My aunt Nissa was only 18 at the time so she stayed there until she left for college. I remember the house being very old, kind of dusty, not in the best shape. My mom and her husband spent alot of time and money to fix that house up for all of us. We continued to have family gatherings there for many years, until my parents divorced (thats a whole nother story) And although as an adult now who no longer lives there, or has that house in our family, I will always look back and love it there. Though I did have alot of strange, unexplainable, instances happen. Paranormal I should say, which maybe Ill touch up on in another post.... I would love to live there again, or just pop in to reminisce & see what is the same or what has changed.

It is sad that I dont have many memories about my nana, other than what Ive said above. I tried to find a more recent picture of her just before she past and my mom must have them hiding somewhere in her house, because we have none online. Here is what I do have.....

{ Here is my nana when she was just a little girl }

{ My nana as she was a little older, and my mom as a child }

{ My mom when she was so young, holding me in my nana's kitchen }

{ This is me, my aunt, and 2 cousins }

| My favorite part of this picture is that its at my nana's house |

{ such a fond childhood memory place }

{ My mom & me visiting my nana's grave a few years ago }

{ Im pretty sure my nana was buried with her father & his wife }

{ We recently passed my nana's 19th anniversary of her passing }

Even though I never got to spend a lot of quality time with my nana, because I was so young - atleast I had her for 10 years of my life and still remember the small things about her. I really wish that she had been there for all of us to see us grow up, and to be along side of my mother. But we cant change the past, we can only accept it and move on. I am greatful for the person my mom has become, maybe because of my grandmother- and I will always love her and hope that she is looking down on us <3

EDIT (8/11): After one of my aunts read what I had wrote here from my link on facebook, she tagged me in these pictures. Thank you Eileen - I am very greatful <3

{ Left- my nana and my uncle Jimmy. Right- my aunt Nissa and my nana }

{ My nana and my uncle Jimmy }

{ My nana is in the silk black shirt along side of my aunt, uncle, and a few friends }

Food and Fun!

2011-08-07T14:18:00.000-04:00

Food and fun shared with you by pictures!

So since my dreadful last post about being miserable, I have managed to get out of the house and hang out with some pretty awesome friends of mine, while taking pictures to share with the world. So breifly, here they are.....

One night - I decided to take it upon myself to ask a bunch of friends to hangout at my other friend's house - where she has a fire most nights, along with some physically fun activities like bat mitten and volleyball. She also usually has a stocked fridge of coronas and twisted teas too! Although you can't tell in my pictures because I only took a few - all of my friends (besides one) have children. So while all us girls & (about ten of us) and James sat around the camp fire, talking shit, and reminiscing about crazy old times... we also had about ten kids (and two dogs) running around the yard like a bunch of hellians. Mind you, bat mitten is my all time favorite game to play, but as soon as the ADULTS want to play, along come the kids to take it over. We couldnt play for more than five minutes without a child running off with the "birdie." Anyways - it was a great night to catch up with friends and have a few drinks and two smores!

Another day, one of my besties {Lauren} invited me to a SUMMER BASH. Probably the b-e-s-t one that I have been to, maybe ever. Lauren and Michelle picked me up in the [cadillac escalade] packed with four adults and five kids!! We drove about 40 minutes away on a hot summer day and arrived at Dave's house. It was awesome. There was a live band, portable potties, four grills with a shit load of food, a humongous blow up slide, and games like sack in the hole, beer pong, and delicious jello shots!

While in the midst of people watching, enjoying the music, and having a BLAST... my friends (lauren, michelle and lisa lips) got WASTED. Which was fine, they told me early on that I was the "designated driver" which was okay because afterall, I didn't come prepared so had no liquor of my own, and cant stand the dreadful taste of beer. So I sucked down a few jellow shots just to relax and filled up on fruit. There was literally over fifty people there, all strangers, but we had a great time, it was a great party. When we were ready to leave I was worried about driving because the cadillac is HUGE, I am really bad at directions when it comes to highways, and all my friends were drunk! We packed the kids back in the truck and took off. I took the advice of a drunken friend and got us on the wrong highway initially, and once we got back on track I had to get off at the nearest exit because boligerant people might piss themselves! Overall, it took us about an hour to get home that night but it was well worth the craziness :)

Then lastnight was Yankee Homecoming a few towns away. It's a tradition in the town of Newburyport, Ma. where every summer in the center of town they have a ton of food vendors, leisure activites, performers, a live band, boat parade, and fireworks. Although me and the boys didn't make it till about 8pm, we got a great seat right on the boardwalk where we got to feel the ocean breeze and see the fireworks. It was also great to people watch!

Now... here it is, the last day of my "vacation" and I am watching Coraline on dvd, listening to the puppies and my husband snore beside me. It is a groggy, muggy, rainy, day and I'd much rather fold laundry and re-organize my closet than go outside in this weather. Though, I am eager to get back to work tomorrow to see my awesome co-workers and weigh in on Wednesday.

Speaking of weightloss. We did grocery shopping yesterday and for the first time in my life I skipped out on a bag of potatoes. I am a potatoe queen and it was literally like giving up heroin. I stood beside the bag of potatoes for five minutes wondering if I could go without, almost sweating with anxiety, and then in the freezer aisle (where I normally skip) I came across an already chopped bag of potatoes and I had to open and close the freezer door three times before walking away. I cook potatoes in many forms during the week - I like to cut up baby reds and throw them in the skillet with all sorts of things, mostly various veggies. In my house, we are not junk food junkies. Growing up my mother always bought snacks; ding dongs, funny bones, cookies, and ice cream. In my house we pleasure more on chips and dip and pudding. Other than that, I cannot remember the last time we had a package of cookies or ring dings in the cabinet. My guilty pleasure is CARBOHYDRATES! I love bread, I love chips, and I love potatoes! Yesterday I replaced chips with a bag of grapes, and I replaced potatoes with more fresh vegetables. I've also been struggling with finding something healthy and quenching to drink. While I have finally gone 100% at drinking water all day at work, I just cannot do it at home. I was filling up on gatorade but I am sick of it, and v8 is becoming dreadful too. So yesterday I got myself a bottle of Sprite Zero. Figured I could have a glass with my sandwiches or as a "dessert" to myself when I am craving soda. I gave up soda a few months ago cold turkey. Went from 2-3 bottles in the house a week to NONE! Also, SPINACH HAS BECOME MY FAVORITE FOOD ACCESSORY lately. It is absolutely delicious in grilled cheese and on every cold cut sandwich ever! However, it does go bad very quickly if you do not store it properly, which I havent figured out yet....

Anyways - I have to pee and pretty soon I am going to take a shower and go over to my mom's house. I decided that I need a hair cut. Quite honestly, I am very careless with my hair. I would let a homeless man on the sidewalk cut my hair if he wanted to. My hair is just so thick and grows so fast that I don't even care who messes it up, and right now Im at the point where it is even getting too heavy for a pony tail so I need a change! Pictures later in the week..... toodles :)

I Should Be...

2011-08-04T10:08:00.000-04:00

.... Doing something else on my "mini-vacay."

Instead of sitting on my laptop and wishing that I could watch t.v. and being miserable. I'll admit we have had a hard time paying our bills. I only make a little more than minimum wage and my husband pays a shitload of child support, so we very rarely make our bills on time or have money for sweet extras. About a month ago Comcast shut off our cable & internet, because we had an outstanding bill & hadn't paid it in full yet. (We were just making enough payments to keep it on because we had other more important things to pay for.) When they did that, we were able to plug the cable directly into the t.v. so then we got atleast 10 basic channels. And I could luckily get an internet connection off a neighbor or from the wi-fi on my cell. Needless to say, I was sticking it out and trying not to bitch at my husband (or anyone else) about my miserable-ness and withdrawals from reality tv. But then..... my employer decided to switch us to EVERY 2-WEEK pay days. Which then through off my rent that was due, and my cell phone bill - so my husband had to explain to our "management" (we live in an apartment complex) why it wasnt being paid in full & then my phone got shut off.

Last month I decided I would take some time off from work to use the rest of my vacation time. So I have 5 days off this week and was really looking forward to cleaning my house, watching tv, hanging with the dogs, working on the free layouts I owe people, going to the gym, and hanging out with friends & family. But..... comcast showed up at my door yesterday & took back my cable boxes and must have disconnected us from the pole because now I have NO cable, not even basic through the wall. My cell phone is still off and I dont have a house phone. We barely had enough money for gas last week so my truck is below empty and the "low-gas-light" is on so I cant even drive anywhere! I have not even a dollar. And it's making me really annoyed. I feel like my vacation is a waste.....

I did although, manage to get to page 88 on my work-book for my pharmacy test (which is scheduled for next month, a date I will keep secret for now) I am much smarter than I think I am. I knew practically everything up to page 88 so far. Only referencing the back for a few answers. And I only skipped one chapter which was ALOT of math, cause I need James to help me with it to understand it better. It's a bunch of equasions consisting of millileters & such.

Today, I am on day 2 of my vacation. I would really like to be hanging out with a friend, enjoying the sunshine, maybe hitting some waves, or being productive outside somewhere. But being phoneless and gasless makes it near impossible to get ahold of anyone. I've tried communicating via facebook but it's just not fast enough and my internet connection keeps going in and out. I've thought hard about throwing on some leggings and kicks and going for a LONG walk but for some reason I am just terrified. I have not become comfortable enough with myself to walk around in this neighborhood looking like a fat ass. I don't know how better to explain? When I moved away from here (my home town) and lived on the beach (an amazing tourish attraction about 20 min away) even with all the skinny bitches and all the hot men there, I felt comfortable enough to walk around in tight pants and a tank top, burning some calories. I think it was because I didnt "know" anybody and I felt like I was free to be whoever I wanted. Here, it's like everywhere I turn there is someone I know wanting to say hello and chat for a minute, or making judgements on me (probably.) Not to mention, I dont live in the "good part of town" anymore- so that leaves me aprehensive aswell. And obviously, because I could barely pay my bills this month I havent been able to afford a membership to the gym like I wanted, so that's out of the question.

Needless to say, I have been feeling down in the dumps. I haven't been able to get up and get out of the house on my own, and I haven't had the energy or the creativity to make any layouts (sorry guys.) I've been listening (not even watching) dvd's because Im so fed up with not having cable, slugging around my house, cleaning up, and napping with the dogs. Maybe, just maybe.... I will go out for a walk later and take some pictures? We'll see...... that's all for now, until my next rambling.

Vacation and Weigh-In

2011-08-02T20:22:00.001-04:00

I have the next 5 days off! Hallelujah! I am so excited! Besides the fact that I have no cable, internet, cellphone, money, or even gas in my truck..... I am blessed to be alive and will be able to sleep in and hang out with my dogs every day. I am however, scheduled to take a test in the next couple months for work, to become Nationally pharm. tech. certified..... so I will be studying for that & completing some online assesment tests to maybe further my position at my job, or atleast for someday at CVS.

I am also very heavily considering pharmacy school. Which means that first I have to stop by my local community college, talk to an advisor, take the assesment test there, and get into some classes that I need. Two years at the community college completing all the pre-reqs to get into pharmacy school and hopefully in two years I will be able to get in. Then it's another three year's in school and then making a hundred grand a year working as a pharmacist. It seems like an easy plan, but it's alot of hard work and I really need tonti just shut up and commit to this and just go do it.... I'm such a procrastanator (spelling? ) haha

Oh yes! Weigh in! I weighed in today {blah} and although I am down 1 lb from last week, I am still up 4 lbs altogether. So I will be working hard on eating very well for the rest of the month.....

Anyways - just wanted to update everyone & say hello. Those of you that I "owe free layouts to" I will be working on in my down time this week, and emailing you with details, so be patient.

Until tomorrow probably, peace out :)

{ just some throw backs incase you missed my face hehe }

In Better Spirits & Delicious Food!

2011-07-28T20:53:00.001-04:00

First, I'd like to say thank you to a few girls that commented on a post I had put up a few days ago. I was really in a bad state of physical being and even yesterday, I had a horrible day at work. I was emotionally down and out, I even broke down crying in the bathroom during my lunch break. I have alot of things going on behind the scenes at home and my husband and I are just trying to straighten out our credit and get things back in order. But it seems sometimes that good things don't happen fast enough to those of us that deserve them. Needless to say, when I read your comments today I felt so blessed that someone had read what I wrote and actually taken a minute (not only to pray for me) but to reach out and say hello, and to offer me to feel better. Even far away, strangers to one another, and behind a screen... I am greatful - and it touched my heart <3 thank you.

Today though I must say I was in a more chipper mood. For those of you who are just "following" me and don't actually "know" me. I am the clown of the bunch. I am constantly sarcastic, or telling a completely made up story just to one-up somebody as a joke, or to make you laugh. I will burst out in song and dance out of no where and reach out my hand to anyone in need. Today was one of those days that I spent taunting my co-workers in the pharmacy and flirting with all my elderly customers. I had a great day.

I have even been contemplating going back to school.
Although I have known for awhile now that I want to, I just was indecisive about what. I did a Medical Assistance course back in 2004 and then recently did some online classes (at a sketchy school in Iowa) towards my Bachelor's in healthcare. Which I dropped out due to mis-communication factors on their part. Now, here I am wanting to go back again. My pharmacist and my bff James (who is also my pharmacy supervisor, kind of) pretty much talked me into pharmacy school. I had thought about it before, but it seemed just like a DREAM. It seemed like something too unnatainable for me. Because how could I possibly work full time, take care of a husband, house, and dogs, and go to school full time too? Crazy. But then I was told that I could probably get a loan big enough to live off of, while I am in school. So... here's my thoughts - I could do could all my pre-requisites done at the local community college in town that would take me about 2 years, and continue working full time at CVS. And then I can apply to Pharmacy school toward the accellerated program which is only 3 years. And although its about an hour away, maybe by then I will have a not-so-shitbox-car and a loan to help me pay my rent so I won't have to work as much, or at all. And after 3 years of pharm-d school I will graduate and make over $100,000 a year! Yes! That's it! I got it all figured out. Doesnt seem too bad now does it? Speaking of pharmacy stuff... here's some pictures of James and I at work late lastnight......

And just an update about my weightloss.

So I started my journey (again) at 278 at the end of June (I think it was the 26th). I quit soda, changed my eating habits, and lost 14 lbs right off the bat within 20 days and got down to 263. In the past two weeks I have watched the weight go on, day by day, pound by pound. Now - for the past 4 days I have been at 268. My pharmacist {who is literally just like Jillian Michaels. She is my health expert and food advisor and weightloss motivator} told me that its probably just water weight cause I've been PMSing and finally have my period now. I did have a few days where I failed :( I had Mcdonalds twice, a few sodas, and some french fries at the theme park. But besides that, over all, I have been eating really well and drinking water daily at work vs the usual soda or juice. I was doing a really good job using either my FitnessPal app on my android, or logging via Livestrong, but I've been slacking & haven't been counting calories. But I've still been photo-capturing everything.

So here are some pictures of what I've been eating lately...

L U N C H

And... like I said, have been drinking way more water than usual. Eating alot of peanut butter and apples too. I think that is my favorite snack. It's very thirst-and-crunch-quenching! I haven't incorporated any exercise yet into my weightloss. Although I am very determined quite honestly I WANT TO! I can't use my body pain & problems as an excuse, but they truly are. As well as it being 100 degrees here in Mass on most days - I can't really go outside. I have gotten in alot of walking & swimming though. And plan on trying to jog (or something similar) in the fall. I will be joining the gym as soon as we have some money to spare, we are literally b-r-o-k-e. No lie. Literally broke. But anyways....

We also don't have the internet or cable. I {very luckily} can get a connection off someone else with my wireless usually, and get about 10 basic cable channels cause we live in an apartment complex. So I've been missing all my reality shows and watching sitcoms and the news alot alot alot, and I cannot tell you how much I miss it all. I have also been summonsed (spelling?) to court to pay for an outstanding $4,000.00 ambulance bill (around the time I lost the baby last year) but I had insurance but supposably the hospital & e.m.t service that was used was "out of network" so now I have to worry about that and paying back some owed taxes from the beginning of the year as well. Ugg, I need to play the lotto......

Anyways - this never usually happens to me, but my wrists hurt from typing, good night.

A {Necklace} Give-Away!

2011-07-27T10:13:00.000-04:00

So.....

If you haven't checked out my { Design Page } yet, first things first, head on over there if you are looking for a new, FREE, personalized layout. Through out the whole month of July (and not much time left) I will be giving them away!

And because of my layout give-away, I found an awesome give-away over at {Runn Princess Runn} who is giving away this g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s necklace by 463. Just head on over to her page to enter to win!

Theme Park Fun!

2011-07-26T10:32:00.001-04:00

So this past Sunday I was given the chance to go to Canobie Lake Park with a friend & her family. Her nephew (whose father is actually a race car driver ) won 5 free tickets to the theme park and I got to use one of them. I love this place so I was psyched. There were 4 of us adults (who acted like children all day) and 6 kids who have no fear!

We got there around 4 pm and had 6 hours to spare. After a few rollarcoasters and thrill rides I realized how fearless I was a child and teenager. I used to be in love with dangerous, high up in the sky rides, moving 100mph. Instead, I was holding on for dear life, with my eyes closed, praying to God that my seat didn't fly off the hinges and send me plummiting through the air hitting the ground. I was terrified. Yet I went from one ride to another! And every ride was the same, I prayed for my life!

Here are a few pictures I took earlier in the day before stashing away my phone from the water rides....

This is me at home, in my bathroom, getting ready for the day.

The last few days here in Massachusetts have been literally 100 degrees.

It's been hot and humid but luckily it was only in the 80s.

I went for the layered tanktop look and a pair of capris with some pink flip flops.

And ofcourse I painted my nails and thew in a hand-made headband :)

This is my best friend Lauren's 5 year old daughter Keyanah

and her 3 year old neice Miyah on the kiddie swings.

A few pictures of some kiddie rides that I took.

I loved the kiddie Canoies, I thought they were adorable!

And a great place to cool the kids down under the trees and in the shade.

Canobie Lake park is beside a larger lake in New Hampshire.

Besides the hundreds of rides they have, they also offer a boat ride-

and a small train ride that takes you around the theme park aside the waterfront.

Here's the theme park's map - I thought it was cool and wanted to show you.

Needless to say I had a blast. I was very greatful that I got to go. I only brought $20 with me in cash, so I did get a few things I probably shouldn't have. I had a dish of Banana Split Dip-N-Dots, a pretzel, some watermelon slush, and right before I left I spent my last $5 on a box of hand-cut french fries. And they were delicious! But such a guilty pleasure and made me feel kind of crappy afterwards. Luckily I am two days in from that fun filled day and sticking to my healthy food plan! Let's see how I do.....

My Health is Deteriorating.

2011-07-25T20:27:00.001-04:00

Just venting. But seriously. I shouldn't feel like this at 29 years old.

Let's start at what seems most important; my cystic fibrosis. Although I have what my doctor would call a "mild case" because unlike other CF'ers I am not malnutritioned, and I have not needed a lung transplant. But I do suffer from alot of digestion problems and was recently told that I need an endoscopy. So among the flip floppity routine of diahhrea/constipation/abdominal pains - I really think I need to see a rheumatologist.

I may be over weight now, and actually - have pretty much always been (compared to my skinny friends). But when I was younger I was very active in jazz and gymnastics for many years. And even through those classes and gym at school I can recall a grinding, achey, crunching noise in my knees. Which now ofcourse as an overweight adult has just gotten worse. Going up or down the stairs or bending over, my knee literally CRUNCHES and it feels like the bones grind together. Yes! Get to the Dr and stop bitching I know. Not my point in this rant....

For a long time I tried to get social security & disability. I fought it with every inch of my being, even down to hiring a lawyer and bringing it to court in Boston, Ma. I was denied and the judge told me I was "too young to be disabled" Well hunny, I was sick, very sick, and was hospitalized a few times a year when I had to be completely drained out because of my c.f. Only the past 3 years have I been working again, in the pharmacy.

And every day I come home, once I relax.... I can barely get back onto my feet again. My feet are in SO MUCH PAIN that I can barely walk and really really really wish I could fly to the bathroom to pee. I feel like I am keeled over in pain, walking on feet that arent supposed to feel this way and could crumble at any moment. My ankles and my knees throb, throb, throb. My shoulders and my neck I can barely move at night. I was recommended to a rheumotologist years ago by my CF doctor at which I blew off the appointment and now Im dying to be seen.

I feel like in ten years if this problem isn't fixed soon that I am going to be crippled. I literally dragged myself into the bathroom tonight to take a steaming hundred degree hot shower and just wanted to throw in my pillow and blanket and fall asleep. I refused to get out for almost an hour, until the water turned cold. And once I was out I could feel my body from the inside out start to ache again and I broke down in tears. I am fed up to the sky in feeling this much pain every day. And I dont know what is causing it. Is it cause Im fat? Do I have lyme disease? Do I have arthritis?

I know I need to see a Dr asap and this is why Im writing this rant tonight. I promise, to you (my readers and my computer screen) that I am going to get to an appointment asap and someone has to find out what is wrong with me. I work in a pharmacy, I dont want to be put on pain meds. I see what it does to people and the lives that it ruins. But I need help. I need to get this figured out.

NOT TO MENTION! I lost 14 lbs in like 20 days and my last weigh in I was up 5 lbs. WTF? Is it because Im depressed and tears are building up behind my eyelids? Is it because Im severely PMSing and Im bloated with water weight? Cuz whhhhat thhhhe f_cccckkkk :( I haven't done anything different (besides Mcdonalds 2 cheeseburger meal one night late at work and literally 2 cokes) Other than that, Im still eating really really good. So why did I gain? Was it really the Mcdonalds? Ugg. Im so depressed tonight. Sometimes I feel like losing weight is not attainable, I cant even get to my shortest goal at 250 lbs.

Does anyone else want to rant here? About gainging this week or having unbareable pain that they go thru, that you just feel like falling apart over? And if so, any advice? Sorry to be a saddened suzie tonight :( Im just down in the dumps. (and i dont wanna say it but whenever I feel this way I just make it worse by thinking about my baby in heaven. I cant help but relate all my tears and sorrow to anything else in my life that has happened other than that. It is the first thing I think about when I start to cry cause that is the heaviest burden on my heart in the past year. )

Free, Personalized, Designs!

2011-07-22T16:37:00.000-04:00

Maybe you need a new layout? Or a button for your page? Or even a banner for your Etsy? Whatever you need, I can do. So, I have decided to extend my blog to expose my design talent.

Check me out over here..... { Miss Felicity } Designs where you can get something free through out July! Every layout I make comes with a background, header, footer/signature, side bar design, and matching button! I incorporate the look you want & I do it quickly :)

So please go follow me / add me as a google friend & feel free to blog about the free layout give-away so thers can enjoy!

Thanks!

{ Free Layout } Give-Away

2011-07-19T11:22:00.002-04:00

Time for my first Give-Away!
.

Because I just love making layouts and I think that everyone deserves a personalized touch on their blog. I am giving away a bunch of free layouts!

All you have to do is :

Comment below that you want a free layout.

Email me {felicitymerrill at hotmail.com} with some of your favorite pictures, quotes, tagline, and blog's name. I have even added a few patterns below, if you like one tell me, if not I will do what I want. And trust me, Im good.

Then.... BLOG about me! Either before or after I give you the layout. So that way other followers can come by and see me, and maybe get a free layout too. And if your blog didn't come already with one of my buttons on the sidebar, then please add it in there.

Please add this button to your sidebar or blog .

Just link back to this {give-away} .

My latest layout designed for Tricia over at Patti Cakes

Friend Makin' Monday!!

2011-07-18T19:34:00.001-04:00

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here (or at: http://www.alltheweigh.com/, where I originally found this!) So we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Ten Random Questions

1) What do you like most about yourself?

I can charm anyone, and pretty much everyone likes me.

2) List three characteristics that you like to have in your friends.

Honesty (please dont lie to me)

Loyalty (please dont f_ck me over OR f_ck my husband)

Personality (please dont be a bore & please have an open-mind)

3) How often do you brush your teeth?

Usually just once a day UNLESS I ate something stinky, that I know is bad for my teeth, or if I took a shower at night instead of the morning - I always brush my teeth after a shower.

4) If you could travel anywhere today, where would you go?

Somewhere tropical definately. I'd probably say Hawaii or the Carribeans.

5) Have you ever met anyone from the blog world in person?

I don't think so.... but I've made some awesome friendships & totally would hang out if we could.

6) What is the last show you watched on TV?

Right now Im living with just basic cable, which has like 10 channels, so the News on channel 5 until something interesting comes on :(

7) What kind of perfume/cologne do you wear?

I love love love perfume, usually Curve, or anything from Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. Right now I am all out of all three, so Im using something called "Tattoo" from who knows where?

8) How long ago did you complete your last workout?

If you call swimming in the lake all day yesterday, a work out.

9) What will you eat for dinner tonight?

Had dinner at my mom's. It was a rotissery chicken, home made mashed potatoes, broccoli, and cranberry sauce. It was delicious. My stepfather is an a-m-a-z-i-n-g cook! If I didn't eat there I probably would have just had some veggies cause I am keeping my calories lay through out the day!

10) Share something fun that you did over the weekend.

I spent two day's with an old best friend of mine and her 8 year old daughter, catching up and hanging out. We went to Kingston Lake for the day and layed out in the sun and swam in the mucky water. It was alot of fun :)

BFFs, Birthdays, Chinese, and Kareoke!

2011-07-17T19:11:00.014-04:00

So it was a double birthday dinner date at the end of the week, celebrating Lauren & Michelle's life. Lauren is my best friend, and Michelle is her's! A bunch of us decided to head over to Oriental Garden's; a local chinese resteraunt with a bar and kareoke. It was Thursday night, the crowd was pretty dead, and one my other bestie's was our waitress.

First of all, I got out of work at 5 and it took me over an hour to get home (normally 20 min tops) because there was an accident on the highway. When I got home I hurried to freshen my make up and pick out something to wear. Being another 3 lbs down I was feeling pretty hot. I don't know if I look any different, but I definately feel different. I pulled out this thick black belt that I've had for probably five years and only wore one other time, to a wedding. I clinched it around my waste and headed out the door. By the way, I was starving because I didn't have time for dinner yet........

You know how hard it is to not feast on chinese when you're on a diet {and starving!?} A corona and two blue hawaiians later, and everyone is ordering food. I really wanted a #21 which had chicken fingers, steak teriyake, boneless spare ribs, and pork fried rice. I refrained for as long as I could stand.... which was the whole night. Yay! Go me! Although I did eat one crab rangoon off someone else's plate! Then.... when the cake came out, I even said no and skipped a piece of that and just delicated on two chocolate covered strawberries. I was actually very, very, very, proud of myself for keeping in check. Did I mention our friend Tricia made the cake and surprised Lauren with it? It looked gorgeous {and delicious} she did a great job!

Overall, we all had a great time, great drinks, and shared some great laughs. Old time stories (most of us have been friends nearly 20 years) and mentioned our 10 year high school reunion coming up in a couple months. It was good to get out of the house and see the girls.

5 Foods That Make You More Attractive!

2011-07-16T12:18:00.015-04:00

They say that youth is often wasted on the young -- that we can't appreciate great skin and a fast metabolism until we get older and both start going in a direction we wish they hadn't.

But in the wide world of nutritional benefits, it doesn't hurt to add some foods to enhance our beauty as well, right? In addition to the expensive skin creams, treatments and potions, food can make a huge difference on your complexion, hair and even nails! In this article, I'll share 5 foods that you should include in your "eating pretty" diet!

PAPAYA

In 2007, a study in American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that higher dietary intake of Vitamin C was associated with a decreased likelihood of a wrinkled appearance.

To get more Vitamin C in your daily menu, think beyond your morning glass of orange juice and go for some additional (yet excellent) sources of Vitamin C such as papaya, broccoli, brussel sprouts and bell peppers. In fact, you could throw all of that in a stir fry for a beautiful meal! Buy some

OYSTERS

Oysters are a fabulous source of the trace mineral zinc. While zinc is important for proper growth and development, as well as wound healing, it may also play a key role in helping to promote great skin by boosting collagen production.

Additionally, studies have found that zinc may help prevent or improve acne by controlling excess oil production as well. During the summer months, oysters can be grilled for a different yet satisfying BBQ treat.

SWISS CHARDS

This tasty green is highly versatile in recipes and may have a beautifying effect on both hair and skin as it contains high amount of biotin, a b-complex vitamin that has been associated with positive beauty attributes.

Swiss chard is also high in vitamins A, K and C, which all happen to be vitamins associated with overall anti-aging.

SOY BEANS

If you're a fan of edamame, you're in luck! While most of us correlate omega 3 fatty acids with fish, you could get plenty of plant-based omega 3 in walnuts, flax seed and even soybeans! It has been well documented that soybeans can help in lowering cholesterol, waist size and risk for high blood pressure, but did you know that they can also provide radiant, glowing skin, as well? The omega 3s in soybeans have been shown to help fight against inflammation in the body (a real beauty bummer) and help skin look younger as well by avoiding dryness.

BRAZIL NUTS

Brazil nuts are a goldmine of Selenium, a trace mineral essential to good health -- and great skin -- but don't eat gobs of them! One of the most important things you should know about selenium is that only a small amount provides powerful antioxidants shown to help prevent the formation of free radicals (free radicals can make us not too pretty, by the way). Too much selenium can cause hair loss, discoloration of skin or blotchy fingernail beds. You only need small amounts of selenium to prevent a deficiency, and most Americans are getting plenty in their diets. A couple Brazil nuts or a serving of salmon should be all your need to reap the benefits.

{ This article was taken from AOL - written by Kristin Kirkpatrick, a Dietitian and wellness manager, at The Cleveland Clinic Wellness Institute and the Cleveland Clinic Lifestyle 180 program }

Handmade Accessories!

2011-07-13T00:31:00.000-04:00

If you know me, you know that last year I made practically everything for my wedding. From 100 candle favors that I tied tiny ribbons around and glued diamonds to, the card box, ring pillow, and guest book..... 100 scrolls, every centerpiece, the invitations and reply cards.... I absolutely did everything myself. It was way cheaper and way funner and made more memories! I wish I could plan it again, over, and over, and over. I've also - always liked to paint and do other little crafty things, and I am an accessory whore, so for awhile now I've been wanting to put my money into opening an online shop which would carry girly and baby accessories; as well as {eventually} wedding & other hand crafted/painted decor. Today I was blog hopping and I saw an awesome tutorial at { i think - pardon me if I forgot & this is the wrong person I am giving credit to ) at Little Miss Momma, how to make a Rosette necklace. And although, I didn't use the tutorial, I credit her for giving me the idea to cut up a bunch of scraps and glue gun it together.

After sitting on my couch for an hour feeling pity on myself cause I'm too poor to run out and buy new fabric and new jewelry accessories for any crafty things, I thought, "hmm I bet there's some clothes in my closet that I could use." So I ran into my bedroom and found {haha} a t-shirt my husband (just got over the weekend) but would never wear. I cut it into shreds and started scrunching it together on a headband... then I made a ring... and a pair of earrings to match. Then I got over board and cut up an old shirt of mine, and did it all over again. Here's how it all turned out...

I decided to call this style "truffles." I like the way it sounds and it reminds me of chocolate truffles. And so I had an epiphany! I am going to open an online shop, or sell over at Etsy. And because I am kind of poor and can't really afford to do much right now, I am asking all my friends and family members to send me over there unwanted, old, t-shirts, or scraps of fabric. And extra incentive - I will make them one set out of it, then I get to keep the left over scraps. And the name of my shop will be somewhere along the lines of.... Pretty Scraps, Fabulous Scraps, Beautiful Scraps. Something Scraps. Or Second Chances. Because I will be using all second hand materials & fabrics. Wether it be hand me downs, or from consignment shops. I am going to turn something ugly and old into something beautiful :) And I can't wait. So until next time..... toodles!

Awesome By August Challenge!

2011-07-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

So, I found a pretty awesome challenge to sign up to for the next 4 weeks. It's called Awesome by August! You can check it out on facebook HERE! Make sure to check out the information page that tells details about the weigh-ins & weekly give-a-ways. It's just a challenge to pledge to lose {whatever amount of weight you want} by August 11th, starting now. And today is the last weigh-in & sign up date. So be sure to hurry over :)

I just gasped in excitement when I saw my name, Miss Felicity, on jessicaNdesigns website as the winner of an awesome Etsy shop {Sweet Nature Designs} fabulous kitchen towel! I have not won anything "Give-Away" related since I did web design three year's ago. And even then, I don't remember winning anything as crafty & cute as this :) So I am really excited and appreciative for the oppurtunity! Thank you girls!

As for me, the last few days have been good. I have been setting up my breakfast and lunch for work the night before - giving me enough food to eat that I won't be tempted at work to stuff my face with something unhealthy and delicious! I weighed in yesterday too and I was at 266 (which is a 2 lb gain since the last time I weighed in, but it doesnt hurt my feelings because I was on a diet detox starving myself for 2 days lol) Anyways - here is my food line up from yesterday.

I've gone back to LIVESTRONG tracking my calories and keeping my pound count there also for extra motivation and accountability. Does anyone else use Livestrong? If so, Id love your link to friend up! Until tomorrow.... muah!

Weight-Gain Paranoia.

2011-07-10T19:50:00.000-04:00

I'm only about 2 weeks into starting to lose weight again and I've lost a total of.... 9 lbs. Right now I am at that point where everything I put in my mouth causes me paranoia. Which, I'm not sure is a good thing or a bad thing? Every day that I am at work {where the scale is} I just wanna weigh myself every 5 seconds!

Today my day consisted of a lot of laziness and food. But I have a thing with vanilla yogurt, I don't like it too much, but my husband picked me up a large container of Chobani {greek yogurt} for my fresh berries so I had some for breakfast, it was a little "sour-ish" if you know what I mean so I guess it'll have to grow on me. I also found out that I like blackberries better than raspberries cuz theyre too sweet.

For lunch I cut up 4 little baby red's and threw in some onions, peppers, and sugar snap peas {my favorite}. My mother came to visit so we got to hang out and chit chat. That was nice ( I should have taken a picture of her - shux - next time ) She only lives 5 minutes away so it's not a big, luxurious visit.....

I was worried later in the afternoon when I started to get hungry. My husband made lasagna lastnight which I refused to have a piece of, and he also had a box of pizza in the fridge from yesterday. So he was torturing me!!! I wanted a piece of pizza so damn bad today I almost had to throw it away before I stuffed it down my throat.

For dinner I wasn't sure what to make, I decided to go with some eggs, and didnt know what to do with them so threw them on a bagel thin. I was proud though, I normally would scramble FOUR freakin eggs. Today I only cooked TWO and I cut that in half to put on my bagel, so I guess I literally only had ONE - go me!!! See, its the little things that count, right?

And although today was my day off and I was hoping to bathe in the sun and maybe swim with some fish, I got too caught up in trying to restore my laptop and get my paint shop to start up again, that by the time I looked at the clock and decided it was time to go out - it was too late! Hopefully soon my friends and I will take a camping trip or do something summer-ish and crazy soon :) But it was nice {very nice actually} to spend the day with my husband and my babies <3

I have Cystic Fibrosis.

2011-07-09T22:53:00.001-04:00

And Im a retired web & graphic designer. Not necessarily retired, just "done" for the moment. Someday I will go back and do it again, aside from this blog anyways.

The reason I tell you this is because I just updated and added a few of my pages, which you can find by clicking the navigation links on the top of my blog! And I really hope you check them out!

Read more about my BABIES who are my two little puppies I adore. About how I am surviving CYSTIC FIBROSIS { c.f. } and all the LOVELIES I own; like hair stuff, make up, purses, photos of my apartment and more. Check out the MENU page to see what I love to cook and eat. You can view some of my wedding photos { and everything in between } on the MR-MRS page and then if that doesn't do it for you, watch me and my friends act a fool on the VIDEOS I posted! I also keep track of my WEIGHTLOSS by every pound I lose, and last but not least, all my print-screens of layouts I loved, when I owned a few websites.

And ofcourse, thank you in general, for just being here! Muah!

Detox - Day 3

2011-07-08T21:29:00.000-04:00

Another 2 lbs. down! In three days I've lost a total of 3 lbs and 9 lbs overall in the last 11 days. So I am pretty excited. It definately gives me the motivation to keep going. When you are actually making healthy choices every day you don't realize how many un-healthy choices there are available, or who around you is eating poorly, and how hard it is to say no. I ran into that today....

Breakfast was easy. I had a bowl of blackberries & raspberries at home. And I prepared my lunch for work the night before so I knew that I would be okay - usually if Im unprepared and hungry I buy junk or eat McDonalds (which is right next door.) When I got to work though, there was a HUGE box of a dozen donuts and 8 friggin' iced coffees {which Im a sucker for}and it took a lot of will power to say no to a chocolate donut and not grab an iced coffee! I guess at drug rep brought them in for us, which isnt unusual- they always try to "sweet talk" us, literally.

This all fruit & vegetable diet though with only brown rice is coo-coo. So I give up! I failed yesterday anyways and since I've been losing weight just by making healthier choices, why do anything different? So consider this the last day of my 7 day detox diet, maybe Ill try again {or something similar} another time.....

For lunch I had a small bowl of flax cereal and some berries over cool whip. And for late lunch, our store manager bought a Subway platter because we did such a great job the past month in our execution (which is like our report card) So when I went into the break room for dinner tonight, I made myself a nice little smorgashboard of onions, peppers, pickles, and lettuce ontop of some honey oat bread ( I took a roastbeef sandwich and took out the roastbeef sandwich so I could use the honey oat bread haha ) Needless to say, it wa delicious and I was fufilled. Normally I could eat a whole 12 incher, but today my stomach felt full after 6 inches and some water. I was pretty proud of myself....

So... that is the end of tonight's post. I will continue eating as much fruit and vegetables as possible, low calorie juice, lots of water, green tea, and try to eat less bread, other carbs, and other stuff I was used to. xox

{ Give-Away } Come and See!!

2011-07-08T21:13:00.000-04:00

I found an awesome give-away at Feckled Laundry . com. It is for a custom TAYLOR necklace for less than $19, from Amber who owns { Starfish } on Etsy.com - Check it out right away.....

Keep an eye out soon cause I will

be giving something away very soon!

Detox - Day 2

2011-07-07T19:38:00.000-04:00

Failure. Well... for the most part I did very well, I went almost two complete days without any food; only drinking water & green tea. At one point during work today I was soooooo hungry, my stomach was growling so badly it almost hurt! But all I could think about was the dissapointment of my friends, family, and readers if I couldn't pull this detox off 100% then I ate one friggin almond. I figured one tiny piece of food would fufill me enough to stop the hungry till tomorrow. Fail!

I just had a realization! OMG! I had a really rough day today. I wonder if subconciously I needed to eat something to make me HAPPY and get me through the day? Know what I mean? Not that at any point today did I think, "wow, what a shitty day, I need to eat and feel better." But was I really hungry (or was it an emotional thing?) I mean, my stomach was absolutely growling and I felt almost starved to death, but I'm sure my emotions played into it a tiny bit.

Recap; I worked 11 hours yesterday {in a stressfull, high volume, retail pharmacy mind you} and wanting to hop in my truck and leave the parking lot my car wouldnt start. I had to have a co-worker give me a jump start, then I had to drive my best friend home, needless to say I didn't get home till 8 pm. So I had literally been gone 13 hours. I was so busy at work yesterday that not eating was simple, and when I got home, I had enough will power to continue on. I went to bed around 10, watched some MTV, felt kind of funny. I was energized during the day, but once it got later into the evening I felt a little dizzy, kind of drunk-like. So I drank a glass of gatorade {to replenish my electrolites} and eventually fell asleep. I had a very strange dream. I actually dreamt (long story short) that because of my detox, I was hallucinating. And that I didn't wake up for work and ended up going in 6 hours later.

So this morning my husband woke me up (he wakes up at 4 am to get ready for work) so I only got about 5 hours of sleep. When I left the house at 7 to head off to work.... surprise! Surprise! My car wouldnt start. I struggled to get back into my apartment because the lock sucks and it needs to be changed. My cell phone is off till I pay the bill tomorrow so only because I borrowed my bestie's spare phone could I text. I had to beg my mother to drive me, which was a project all in itself. She loves to help me, with anything, any time, don't get me wrong - but it was really early, she had no gas, and I work about 20 minutes away up the highway. I arrived at work late, I ended up spilling my Green Tea all over myself, and the rest of the day just went awkwardly for me. My father in law's wife (who is actually a life long family friend Melonie) ended up picking me up and when I got home all I wanted to do was eat.

I struggled for hours not to eat. Finally, my husband got home from work, a neighbor ended up giving us a brand new battery for my truck. And I finally gave in and made a salad. So in the past two days I have eaten one little chunk of cheese, an almond, and a tiny salad. But I failed my liquid 2-day part of the Detox Diet. And I'm dissapointed in myself. And even worse, I'm too honest of a person not to admit it in my blog LOL So what's my plan now? I still have 5 days left of the detox diet. Tomorrow I wille at fruit all day, continue drinking water, and green tea. And on Saturday I will oncorporate (maybe some rice but I doubt it) and vegetables into my meals. And continue fresh fruit and veggies until Wednesday and see how I do. No carbs. No extra stuff.

{ Here's a picture of my chicken salad today - a chicken patty over a bed of salad with fresh red and green peppers and half an apple cut up in chunks. And probably the best green tea I've ever had }

So far though, I am down 1 pound from yesterday :)

Day 1 - 267 lbs and Day 2 - 266 lbs

I just hope that I didn't ruin my entire detox from failing today, ahhhhhh we'll see!

In the meantime, I've been working hard on my blog. I used to be a web & graphic designer working from home, and actually owned a few websites (Jazzy-Jazz.net & Flawless-Space.com ) but sold them when the whole myspace extravaganza died down. So I am very skilled when it comes to layouts and stuff, but.... my desktop and just recently my laptop crashed and I lost all my programs so now I cannot be as creative as I want to, or used to be. So I aint satisfied with this layout or any of my blog's set up. But - I just redid all the sections in my top navigation link bar. So check them out, and right now I am working on my meal's page.

{ As you can tell I am rambling like crazy tonight, sorry, talk to you tomorrow, on day 3 } Muah!

Detox - Day 1

2011-07-06T21:20:00.000-04:00

Easy. I am shocked that it went as smooth as it did for me today and was that easy.

Maybe it's the fact that I was at work from 8 am until 7 pm - with only one half hour lunch and an hour to kill at the end.... needless to say; my stomach only growled once of hunger around 1 pm. And although my co-workers tempted me with all sorts of foods, I resisted. My best friend James, brought in like 6 containers of yogurt for us and {my favorite} cheese and crackers. I wont lie, around 3pm I ate one slice of cheese. Besides that, I drank an 8oz glass of v8 (which I dont think the detox calls for but ohwell) then the rest of the day, up until now, I had water and green tea.

The hardest part I would say is getting home, about an hour ago, and sitting on the couch now tempted to walk into the kitchen and make a bite to eat. Especially after blog browsing like I just did and looking at what everyone ate and put in their food diary, and posted pictures and recipes for! I am also worried about tomorrow, I have a short day at work and will be home by 3pm. How will I stop myself from going in the kitchen and eating anything? Im gonna have to make plans right away or lay out by the pool.

As for how I feel physically today, this DETOX DIET is nothing. I haven't felt weak, havent gotten a headache, and havent died of starvation yet. Everything is perfectly fine. And I actually had a zoom of energy through out the day. Wasnt sure if it was the green tea I was drinking {I know it wasnt the amount of sleep I got lastnight cause that wasnt much} but whatever it was - I am greatful. I have been wide eyed all day and running around like a mad woman.

I am though, looking forward to eating on Friday! I am already thinking about what to ponder up. I have all sorts of fresh fruit and a few frozen veggies. And guess what else? Since my last weigh in, I have dropped 6 lbs! The last time I weighed in {June 26th I believe} I was at 273 and today I am 267. And I haven't done much... well... except for quit soda, try to eat less, no fast food, make healthier choices- apples instead of chips or fries, fresh fruits and veggies instead of junk, etc. I am a real happy girl today :) So.... until tomorrow's day 2 post, toodles xox

Food Today, Gone Tomorrow.

2011-07-05T20:28:00.002-04:00

7 Day Detox Diet... here I come! Thanks to Miss Haneefa over at Black Girl Gets Fit who just finished her seven day detox diet losing a total of fourteen pounds {14 lbs - yes! That's right} Anyways, I found her post during her 2nd day and followed her all the way through, asking many of questions, and then ofcourse researching for myself & making the decision last week to start tomorrow.

I chose tomorrow (which is Wednesday) because it was the first day back to work after my 5 day mini fourth of July vacation. Also, I will be working 10 hours (8am-6pm) so it'll be easy to keep food out of my mouth while I'm busy at work on the go-go-go. I am worried that I wont have alot of energy though, but the detox diet only consists of days 1 and 2 with only fluids, then days 3 on you can incorporate brown rice, fruits, and veggies into your meals. I'm more worried now about how I'll do on Thursday because I'm out of work at 2pm which makes it an early day for me... but I guess I'll just take it one day at a time.

If you are worried that this is a diet where "people starve themselves" or that its a "fad diet" and is just a waste of time, I don't care. Not only do I want to lose fourteen pounds {ha ha} but it also cleanses your body of all sugars and other unnecessary chemicals in there, given you do it correctly. If you wanna know full details about the 7 Day Detox Diet then Google it!!!!!

As for right now, I just stuffed my face with a pita bread full of chicken breast, sharp cheddar cheese, and lettuce, as well as some tortilla chips and salsa. We went grocery shopping today, knowing that I was going to do this Diet I should have gotten more fruits and fresh vegetables but we were kind of poor so I didn't have much to spend. And I wasnt 100% sure I would even follow through. But hey, whats 7 days anyways, right? Here's what we did get though.....

Lots of delicious berries; strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries. A salad mix {and I have another one in the fridge} some cranberry muffins, organic flax cereal {which is delicious} some pita bread, cool whip for dessert, red, yellow, and green peppers, and some frozen veggies.

For dessert I opted out of something chocolatey and frozen {did weight watcher pops last week} and decided to grab a box of cereal, cool whip, and fresh berries to quench my thirst. It was delicious. Anyways, back to the 7 Day Detox Diet....

I respect your opinion {mainly speaking to friends and family on facebook who will be commenting like crazy and keeping up with my bitching during the process} but.... if you are only going to give me negative feedback about this diet please keep it to yourself. I understand that you might think it is unhealthy, or not good for me, but to be honest - I've seen people do alot worse. I have friends who literally have anorexia and have starved themselves just to be skinny. I know Pastors who have gone 40 days without hard foods and just drank liquids to fast for God, and I even know muslims who don't eat until it's dark out. So it's okay. 2 days of liquids and 5 days of fruits and vegetables will be GOOD FOR ME! I promise :) Love ya <3

4th of July Recap.

2011-07-05T16:35:00.001-04:00

Happy 4th of July on the 5th of July. And yay to me, who enjoyed a mini 5 day vacay. Most of which I spent at home with the husband and dogs. Cleaning, staying up late, waking up even later, and just lounging around. It was lovely. My hubby who normally works close to 60 hours a week also had three days off with me, so we got to spend some quality time together. Which rarely happens. Although I'm not as much as a home body as him, so I took up every oppurtunity to hang with friends, family, and hit up cook outs.

Friday morning I spent time with family shopping - which is shared on my blog a few posts ago. As well as my shopping experience yesterday where I found a cute cheetah top and some dollhouse sandals.

What I haven't told you yet is that on Saturday, me and some of my bff's (James and Derek who are Room-mates, Molly who lives downstairs, and Ryan who is one of our other besties) decided to throw a 4th of July barbecue {what we call p-a-r-t-y} at their house. James, Derek, and Molly live on Salisbury Beach, a tourist attraction and great spot for the locals to swim in the ocean, bathe in the sun, play some arcades, and eat some great food. Around 3 pm- Molly and I went outside and set up about 20 chairs, hung some Tiki decorations, and set up the tables for the food. The party started at 6. About 20 people showed up including a few friends, co-workers, and some of Molly's family. We ate some delicious food, had some delicious drinks {which included frozen margaritas, rum, and coconut jack} and roasted marshmellows over the fire pit. At 10 pm we all walked down to the beach, where we layed on the sand, to watch them light fireworks over the ocean. It was a blast. And it was actually our first party that none of us got hammered, so instead of staying the night I drove home at 2am and snuggled in bed with PJ and the pups <3

Yesterday I also went to a cook out one of my life long best friend Lauren's house. She cooked a huge assortment of food; from onions & potatoes, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, steak, chicken, to pasta salad, and a few desserts. We played bat-mitten (spelling?), volleyball, talked, and hung out drinking Corona's and Soda while listening to music and watching all the crazy kids of their's run around the back yard. The weather was wild. One second it was hot and humid, and the next it was thunder & lightning and the rain poured down on us. The second it was over, we were right back outside, only for it to repeat two or three times more. I ended up leaving before Lauren's fiance lit off the fireworks {which are illegal in the state of Mass- where we live} but ohwell :) I'm sure it was worth the smiles on the kids' faces and the men who got to shoot them off! I didn't get any pictures, BUMMER.

Sweet, Sweet, Give-Away

2011-07-05T09:54:00.002-04:00

I came across Jessica's sweet, sweet, give-away today over at JessicaNDesigns blogspot. She came across an amazing Etsy shop called Sweet Nature Designs, who creates whimsical designs on kitchen towels, pillows, scarves, scarves, bags, aprons, and more....

All you have to do to enter the give-away is stop by Jessica's blogspot by clicking her button on the side over there...... Then check out SweetNature Designs etsy shop and comment Jessica telling her which free kitchen towel you would love to have. Also, share her give-away link with facebook, and blog about her give-away on your blog, leaving seperate comments for each on her page :) And voila! You could win! Good luck!

Here are just a few of Sweet Nature Designs items for sale in her Etsy Shop :)

Cheetah Top & Cute Shoes!

2011-07-04T23:32:00.000-04:00

Shop-a-Holic. Well, not so much since I've been poor. Normally it's hard for me to hold on to a buck. Like, literally. I am one of those people who... would spend down to my last 25 cents, even if it was just on a lousy piece of candy! Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those shop-a-holics that would let my electricity get shut off or become evicted just to go out and blow some money. Rent, gas in the car, food, and bills. That's my list of priorities, in order. But every now and again I do deserve to go out and buy things ( that I don't need. ) Like a new purse, some sexy panties, or a cute pair of shoes.

Although yesterday was not any particular day that money fell from a tree right into my pocket. I actually made the choice to cash in some gold. I had some old broken bracelets and earrings that were just beyond repair and soaking up space in my jewelry box, which is crowded already. So my husband and I brought it to Pawn Mart in Plaistow and they gave me over a hundred dollars. Which was great, I thought Id only get a meesely fifty bucks for it, so I was happy. Hubby got some money for a new game, we put money into the gas tank, a few bucks towards food and we paid our rent. What was left over was mine to b l o w.

KOHL'S here I come!

I have a few tops that I need a strapless bra for, which... being a 40DD- wearing a strapless bra has never been easy (or easy to find or comfy to wear.) But I really really really wanted to wear these shirts this summer! So, I invested in a new bra. It fits, it doesn't fall down, and you can actually wear the straps in 3 different styles. And I also bought this fabulous CHEETAH top.

Then, I realized that I had a coupon to AVENUE for an extra 30% off because of The Fourth of July. So I went over to see if there was anything I liked, and to be honest, there wasn't. Most of it was not my style, a little more "elderly" and "bland" for me. So I went next door to Marshall's. Where I found an amazing pair of sandals. I knew I didn't wanna spend more than $20 on a pair of sandals and it worked out cause these Dollhouse ones, were only $16.99 and I also bought a flowy, hippy-like, black, layered, beachy, skirt... which my husband haaaattteeeeessss LOL

The shoes on the left are the ones I bought and the ones on the right were hand-me-down's from my cousin's ex roomate. Which - if you can't tell, they tie up the ankle... so I fell in love with them immediately and didn't mind that they were second hand.

{ And these are just a few flicks of me in my new cheetah top and cute shoes }

Im kind of hoping that I can make shopping a regular thing. It's been a really long time since I've been able to go out and spend pointless money and it felt really good. And most importantly, I felt really good wearing my new stuff. I know that it's impossible until our bills are reduced or one of us gets a pay increase, but a girl can always W I S H right ;) Maybe Ill explore some consignment shops and document my journeys here....

Babys-R-Us with Anela

2011-07-01T12:15:00.002-04:00

75 % off Clearance items today! Makes for a great, cheap, shopping trip to pick out colorful summer clothes for Anela, my cousin's baby, who actually calls me "auntie." I love spending time with her, she is so little and precious, with such a huge personality! She is so carefree and just flows with whatever is going on. Her mom is the nicest person you'd ever meet, wait, nice or naive? So nice that she is naive! (No offense Adele - youre just too sweet.... and gullable) Anyways.

PJ must of known what going "baby shopping" would do to me. Cause he called me first thing this morning (its my day off and he's working overtime) and said "good morning love, don't let today bring you down." Whenever I spend time with children or do anything that involves B-A-B-Y in it.... I just think about the baby that we lost and what it would be like if we never did, and I just gloom around begging God to impregnate me for a few days.

I'm starting to really consider fertility options and am extremely curious of what our insurance would cover. Or if there are any "natural" ways to help get pregnant? Like, a special diet, or if any of those ovulating trackers really work?? I think while I have a few days off ( 5 days vacation to be exact ) that I will do some online research.... I'm going to be thirty next year.... I need to get pregnant. Not just because of age, but because I want this with every fiber of my being!!!!! <3 <3 <3

So... that was a bit off track... back on track. Baby's-R-Us today was holding a special sale. Walk in, get one of their reusable shopping bags from the courtesy desk and whatever you can fit in there from clearance, is an extra 30% off, which totals 75% off. It was Anela's special day - me, momma, and her nana picked her out some ADORABLE outfits. Ofcourse, mine were most colorful because I am just freaky and weird like that, but everything she got is absolutely gorgeous. Here are some pics.

And some pictures of Anela

from my Wedding last summer.

And some pictures of Anela

this summer - she's too cute!

And this concludes my shopping trip for the day, with Anela Jane Kerwood.

Day by Day

2011-06-30T11:28:00.033-04:00

I haven't really "felt" like I'm on any sort of diet or like I've changed my way of eating. Which really gets me down - because I want the change to be so drastic that it's all I think about and that Im so proud of. But what I have been doing is just making smaller, healthier, choices day by day.

When we went grocery shopping over the weekend I opted for more healthier drinks, snacks, and foods for meals rather than the fast & easy to cook pizzas, french fries, and soda. And so far, pretty much every day this week I have made great meal choices.

Stonyfield Smoothies - which come in all sorts of flavors; berry, mixed berry, strawberry, strawberry-banana and more. They are 200 calories each which seems like alot but considering I do not eat breakfast in the morning it works for me. I just focus more on looking beautiful so I dont have enough time to eat a bowl of cereal or cook me some eggs.... its great to grab and drink on the go, or what I do when Im thirsty in the morning at the pharmacy. It's just like a more liquidy, milky, yogurt.

V8 Fusion Light - which also comes in all sorts of flavors. To be honest, I havent indulged in this drink much this week since I bought it. Normally I would have it with breakfast or lunch but considering Ive been working alot of day shifts I haven't even had a sip yet. But my husband loves it and and its low in calories as well.

Silk Light Chocolate Milk - I love chocolate milk and because I was on my period when I went grocery shopping I just had to get some. This is something new to me and I was worried about the taste. But it tastes great. And it is only 90 calories for an 8 oz cup so you cant go wrong or feel guilty :)

Gatorade - The only choice I made this week that had no calories at all. I drink this when I come home from work and sit down to watch some tv. In a big glass with ice, rather than the usual soda. It's a great alternative and it also replenishes your electrolytes, thats why alot of athletes choose it.

WW Dark Chocolate Raspberry Pops - These are only 80 calories per pop and a great replacement for ice cream or a chocolate fixing in the middle of the night! This has been my dessert after dinner almost every day this week... eeeeek! But I very rarely every buy chocolate or snacks or icecream for that matter so this was a little reward to myself for once.

Salad, Onions, and Peppers - Absolutely my favorite food accessory! You can pretty much add onions and peppers to any meal. I have them in my egg omelette in the morning, I put them in my sandwich for lunch, and I have them with any meal for dinner. Sliced red and green peppers are also good for snacking on with a little bit of dip for lunch or on the go in a container. And ofcourse, salad is a great side dish for anything after noon time! Although lettuce has no nutritional value, the darker the greens, the better antioxidants for you, and onions and peppers have pretty much NO calories so that's a plus!

Strawberries and Grapes - I like to mix up my fruits alot. I get bored with just eating one of something, and I get tired of seeing the same thing week after week. This week I went for grapes and strawberries. I brought them to work with me every day to snack on and they also did a great job quenching my thirst! Next week I might do some melon and berries.

Ciabbata Rolls - I just love carbs :( And so far I can't seem to give them up. But I do have an idea to cut them out of my diet, which Ill touch base on in a few more paragraphs. But for now.... every day this week I have had turkey breast, jalapeno cheese, and sprouts on a ciabbata roll for lunch at work. Easy to make and tastes delicious. A few times I threw some jalapeno spread on there to boost my metabolism, and one day I had my home made chicken salad on a wheat wrap instead. And I just love all crunchy things - so chips and salsa is also my favorite side dish for lunch. I'd like to try and get away from chips altogether, but it just hasnt happened for me yet. Like I said people, day by day, small, healthier, choices. And eventually I will get it all right!

A customer at work did buy us two boxes of chocolates, which out of 100 pieces I probably had ten. Which then made my stomach hurt and I regret eating them. Not ten at once either, this is a span of about 4 days. Anyways - then I had to get my hubby McDonalds for dinner and I chose not to eat any, which was great mind control for me, that was VERY hard. I have also chose not to drink any soda at work this week which was great. Instead I had a few vitamin waters, poland spring, and ofcourse my smoothies. I think that I have been doing a great job making small, healthier, choices and I look forward to weighing myself and seeing some pounds drop soon..... hopefully ;D

Now - let me talk about my

14 DAY CHALLENGE idea!

Yesterday I posted on my facebook that I was thinking about doing a 7 day detox diet, which everyone scrutinized and critisized. But whatever, I am still going to do it, starting next Wednesday.

But then after that I have decided I am going to challenge myself to different 14 day challenges. Here are a list of what I have come up with already:

14 Days of Gluten free foods
14 Days of all Water (no soda, no juice, etc)
14 Days of no Meats
14 Days of no Carbohydrates

If there are any other diet fads you can think of, that I should do 14 days of, please comment. I think it would be a great mind and control challenge for me, itll help me to lose weight, detox my body of those foods, and because its only 14 days I think I will be succesfull. I have found that long term goals do nothing for me. Short term is best so far.

Anyways - its almost noon time and I have to work 3-10 tonight so I am off to shower, toodles.

7 Day Food Detox

2011-06-29T12:12:00.003-04:00

First, I'd like to thank Miss Haneefa for this idea. I came across it just a few minutes ago and it gave me inspiration. She has lost 6 pounds in the last 3 days since starting her seven day food detox! Kudos to her! I will be following her next 4 days to see how she does.

Thinking about doing it myself, I needed more information first. I found what seemed to be a great explanation of the 7 DAY DETOX at The Raw Divas websites, along with a 10 Day Juice Cleanse, but Im pretty sure you have to pay to get "their secret" so.....then I found a website on every DETOX diet known to man, at EveryDiet.org which gave me way too much information that it was hard to look at- so I moved on to other websites! Here is a boy that is already two months into his raw diet, which is similar to a detox diet - Easy Raw Food Detox Diet. He has a great site with ALOT of useful information but Im not going long term with this, unfortunately.

Then finally, because I couldnt find any information quickly to help me with my own 7 day detox, I went to the same site that Miss Haneefa found found her information, over at Toca Reno's Blogspot. Which is great!

Here is a run down of the 7 day detox diet:

Days 1 and 2: Stick to Liquids

Water, lemon squeezed water, herbal teas, juicy leafed greens, or bone broth.

Days 3 to 7: Brown rice, Fruits, and Veggies

You can add up to 1 cup of brown through out the day. Try to eat organic produce/fruits. And only healthy oils like olive, avocado, or coconut oil. Eat portion sized meals as large as your hand. Do this 6 times a day, which will give you 6 small meals per day.

Tips: Consider herbs and supplements. And alot of vitamin c.

Now, Im just trying to decide WHEN I actually want to DO this! Part of me says, start today? Why put it off another day? Isn't that how we all fail? Because we put things off and say, maybe tomorrow? The only problem is - starting on my day off which is Friday, I will have a short 5 day vacation. Do I really wanna go through out the 4th of July weekend and my mini vacation starving and depriving myself of what I love? No. Thats why I think I should start next Wednesday. And then..... starting on July 17th I am participating in a 14 Day Slimdown in my city with an old friend who works for Herbalife that will be our weightloss coach. I am really excited. Although, fourteen days doesnt seem like enough time for me to lose weight. But I suppose if I do the 7 day detox next week - itll give me a great kick off :)

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of the hubby and I this year. Taken in April at his father's wedding. Not too often will PJ pose for a picture with me, so I really love these photos. I think I look great, until I look down at my thunder thighs! Uggggh. I just hate my thighs and these pictures will serve as inspiration to lose weight. So I just wanted to share them with y'all :)

This is me - weight 273ish at 5 feet tall and 4 inches

This will be a great time for me to start the 7 day detox (on Wednesday, July 6th. Because then - on Sunday, July 17th) I am also starting my 14 Day Weightloss Challenge with an old friend, Chanel, an Herbalife constributor and weightloss coach.

Dinner With My Besty!

2011-06-29T11:18:00.003-04:00

Just in a blogging mood so thought I'd take some time to say HELLO :) Had a great weekend.
Work during the week was hectic though. I work in a pharmacy and when one of our pharmacists go on vacation and get a shift covered, lets just say that the covering pharmacist isnt up to par on the way we run our pharmacy and things tend to get a little out of control. We do over 2,000 scripts a week and not having the right staff is horrible for us. Needless to say, I work with my best friend James and we have a blast. Here is a picture of us toward the end of the week!! If you notice (which you might not have at first) but we match. We are both wearing black and white. We car pool to work together and for atleast the last 6 months (maybe more) we color coordinate each day <3 It's cute.... and our customers love it....

Anyways - Late into Friday evening I went on a little dinner date with my bff James. We hit up TGIFs. Here's a few pictures of what we had... I ordered the petite sirloin with mixed veggies and mashed potatoes and for dessert I had strawberry shortcake. James got the haddock, green beans, and rice, and a delicious dish of vanilla bean cheesecake. Normally we dont order desert or we split something small and sweet, but because we had coupons and we could spend a little more money today we both got our own.

Whenever Im with James its like we own the world. This kid makes me so happy. He is honestly, my twin. We think alike, talk alike, act alike. We like almost ALL the same things. We have the same type of personality. It is like we are connected spiritually and far beyond this earth - we just link <3 Its perfect. So whenever we are out together we always have alot of laughs and share some great conversation. I never thought I could be so close with a man before (besides my husband) and share such a great friendship and feel so "in love" with. I honestly love James and cherish our friendship. And he is GAY, for those of you wondering, or frowning upon my feelings for him!! So that makes it okay :)

This is a short video I made while at dinner with him. He just got these new glasses and it was his first day wearing them and I just kept joking about how serious he looked, and I couldnt see his true personality through them haha. Sorry, for some reason the video wont flip up right, so its side ways!

Healthy Choices

2011-06-26T08:03:00.001-04:00

For the first time in a long time I felt proud of myself for having some self control ( finally ) and being able to make some healthy food choices. Although it seems like an easy thing to do, for someone over weight, and probably addicted to food, it is not.

The hubby and I had to stop at Walmart on Friday to pick up a couple things for the house. We both had just gotten out of work and were starving. So we decided to grab a bite to eat for lunch. He suggested Subway and it was delicious. My first choice was turkey and cheese on the honey oat but it was still cooking ( bummer ) so I went with the cheesy italian bread. I added lettuce, spinach, avocado, olives, cucumbers, green peppers, and onions. Dry with some pepper. Im not a big fan of sauces, so usually everything is dry for me. And for the first time in my life, I opted out on having chips and a soda. I grabbed a little package of apples and a water instead. I felt proud of myself. The feeling carried on...

That night I went out with my best friend James, and came home around 1 am. PJ was still awake and had complained about being hungry again since he didn't have dinner. We hadnt gone grocery shopping yet so I swang through McDonalds and ordered him a fish sandwich. It was sooooooo hard for me not to order something for myself. And it's not even that I was hungry, cause I wasn't. I just felt the need to get something. I convinced myself not to. I would think things like, "remember how gross the hamburger looks whenever you think its not cooked......... the burgers sit out under the lamp for hours........... its just one day, you can do this, dont do it!" And it worked. Although I stole a couple french fries out of the bag while driving, which gave me the worst hickups ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which was awesome cuz that was just another reason not to eat anymore and to tell myself this is what unhealthy food does to my body haha!

Then yesterday we went grocery shopping. I decided to get a few healthier things - I got a 1/2 gallon of the soy Silk chocolate milk which is only 90 calories per 8 oz glass. I got so much fresh produce and fruit that I am stacked on snacks for the week. I didnt get one single freezer item, all wheat, rye, and flaxseed bread, and low calorie tortilla chips with salsa, also picked up some Stoneyfield organic smoothies for my breakfast on the go this week at work.

I am really looking forward to making healthy choices day by day. And thats exactly the trick for me! If I do it DAY BY DAY it doesnt seem so hard :) I also made myself some fresh chicken salad to pack for the week.... a recipe given to me by my health freak pharmacist Alison!

Fresh rotisserie chicken, chopped hot peppers,

spring onions, and green grapes.

Miscarriage Memories

2011-06-23T21:50:00.002-04:00

A constant reminder of my miscarriage: babies and pregnant women.

Anything to do with babies or pregnancy. It's just hard to get past. I used to love the show 16 & Pregnant. I watched the whole first season non-stop. The second I had my miscarriage and saw that show again on MTV it just brought back uncomfortable feelings; feelings that I used to have when I was pregnant and watching that show. And now Im not pregnant, so I just can't bare to watch it anymore. Sometimes it's pathetic. I try to pull myself out of the slum and be happy for other people, but I can't help but hurt inside and long for that feeling again. Which has also brought me to the point where I get insanely pissed off at pregnant women who take it for granted. Or even moms who take their children and/or their motherhood for granted. To put it simply, yes, life is just not fair!

I didn't know I was pregnant. I suffer from a terminal disease called Cystic Fibrosis which causes alot of weak immune, respiratory, and digestive complications. So when I was pregnant, I was not aware. Looking back on the pregnancy now I indeed see all the signs that I had missed and I am shocked that the thought never even crossed my mind that I might "be pregnant." I was extremely tired. I would come home from work and sleep the entire day and night away till the morning sun came. I assumed it was just my c.f. exhausting me, plus I was working alot more than I was used to. Everytime I ate cereal I felt sick, but I didn't eat cereal often so I assumed that was the reason. I had alot of heartburn, almost to the point where I couldnt stand it. But ofcourse, that was just something else that I assumed was something I ate, or related to my indigestion and my c.f. My period had always been irregular. I am over weight so it is just something that I am used to, and accept. I have been with PJ (my husband now but at the time my fiance) for 8 years without one pregnancy. We assumed I couldnt get pregnant. We had an active sex life and I was never on birth control, so being pregnant never crossed my mind - honestly.

I found out I was pregnant when I was 12 weeks. I had been bleeding irregularly for about 4 weeks at the time, it seems like everytime I "pushed to poop" a bright red color blood would stream out. Being a procrastantor and just irrisponsible it just took me awhile to go to the doctors. I showed up at the E.R. and ofcourse they asked me, "is there a chance you are pregnant?" I replied, "well maybe." We hadn't been "trying" to get pregnant, but I guess the chance is always there..... While waiting in the emergency room with my mom, the nurse asked to talk to me alone and then told me I was pregnant. I was in shock, I couldnt believe it, and asked if she was sure. Then I told my mother. She was frightened.

The doctor's there told me I was having a miscarriage. I had to call PJ and tell him. It took them hours to get me to an ultrasound. Where the technician there wasn't even aware that I was "possibly having a miscarriage" and she probably thought I knew I was pregnant. She told me the baby looked beautiful and everything seemed perfect. She pointed at it on the screen and talked to me like I had known what was going on, when in fact I didnt, and I was still in shock. I asked her if she could tell how far along I was, and then I realized how big the BABY actually was. She said maybe 12 or 13 weeks.

A long story short, the Dr. gave me a pelvic exam where blood ended up bursting out. She offered to "terminate the pregnancy" for me since there were no OBGYNs in the building. And I said NO! Why would I kill a freaking baby when you guys just told me that it was perfectly fine? All because you dont know where the blood is coming from? No way.... so they fled me to Boston.

Boston pretty much did the same. They gave me another ultrasound and pelvic exam and they told me that the baby looked to be in perfect condition and couldnt explain where the blood was coming from. They sent me home and told me that I could possibly miscarry in the next couple weeks.

It took friggin Women's Health Care weeks to get me an appointment. I was so excited to be pregnant. It seemed the bleeding stopped and although the Drs told me to go on with my normal life and duties, I tried to relax more and take it easy. I was terrified of having a miscarriage, and honestly, didnt think itd happen. I tried to not give my hopes up though. But when you are madly in love with this tiny baby in your belly already, it is pretty hard to not let yourself down when you lose it.

It was the day of my first appointment. I went in there and told them that I had started bleeding again that morning and had a horrible pain/cramp the night before. I begged and begged for an ultrasound or atleast a pelvic exam. Do you know what its like to be 17 weeks and for five weeks prior have been aware that you might miscarry.? How did I know my baby was even alive? Andthat everything was okay? It was very heartbreaking and unsettling. But they refused to give me either. Even with being a "high risk pregnancy" because of my CF. I was very dissapointed. So dissapointed that the nurse felt bad for me and offered a quick "sound check" before I left the office. She used that little monitor to try and listen to the baby's heartbeat, where (because I was overweight) she said it was hard to find, but she encouraged me that we heard it and I believed her. I left the office pissed off that they wouldnt give me an ultra sound for another few weeks and I still didntk now if my baby was okay :(

The minute I got home, I walked up the stairs and went to the bathroom to pee. Sitting on the toilet I felt some blood drizzle into the toilet and NO PAIN, NO CRAMPS, NO UN-NATURAL feeling, I felt something coming out. I could feel it. I was crying and screaming histerically from the toilet and I called my mom. I told her the baby was coming out. And she was too, histerical and told me call 911. I hung up, the baby came out, and I got up and histerical and in shock I told PJ to get the baby out of the toilet. He picked it up infront of my eyes and took it out to the kitchen. I told him to wrap it up, I threw on some pants, and we rushed to the hospital.

I don't really have the energy or heart to go on with any more details. Except that they did not give me a d&c and they sent me home. It also took them hours to take the baby out of the room from me and they didnt offer any explanation (weeks later) or any ceremony rights. Which they normally do. Also, weeks later I was admitted again to the hospital after losing a quarter of my blood. Turns out they left the placenta in me (from the first trip) and I had an infection. I needed immediate, emergency, surgery. And was in pain for days later.

We lost the baby 2 days before PJs birthday. We ended up planning our wedding and getting married on our 8 year anniversary and what would have been the due date. This subject is very touchy for me still and I have yet to become pregnant again. I just wish that we would have a succesful pregnancy and start a family. Even if it was just one child I could be blessed with.

Have to cut this short and go to bed, Ive reminded myself of too much and need to go put my mind to rest.

This Week, Thursday.

2011-06-16T17:39:00.002-04:00

A short little "up to date" recap on my life, this week.

Sunday, the husband and I went out together and did laundry. Although I am a very productive house wife - and have o.c.d so everything in my house is perfectly clean and in it's place... laundry and dishes are his duties. So this was the first time, in a long time, that I had actually gone out to help him. Our apartment building does have a laundry unit that you use a sort-of prepaid debit card to do it, but my husband (who loses everything and blames it on me) has lost the card and so we had to go to a local laundromat instead. I basically didn't do anything to be honest, except sit there and look pretty while playing on my phone and reading Cosmopolitan. When we got home we spent some much needed hubby and wife time together watching movies and eating. We rented Just Go With It and I Love You, Philip Morris. I did not know that I Love You Philip Morris (with Jim Carey) was a "gay" movie, so while we were watching it I felt kind of embaressed for my husband during some of the more romantic/intimate scenes haha! Just Go With It (with Jennifer Aniston & Adam Sandler) was hilarrrrioooousss and I would watch it again tomorrow if you asked!

Monday I worked a long day at the pharmacy, it was cold and rainy, and I didn't care to be working nine hours because the weather sucked anyways. Plus, I work alongside my bff James and have some other great co-workers to shoot the shit with anyways. Tuesday, I worked all day again but was happy to get out two hours earlier than I did on Monday. So I came home and rented a few movies from the Red Box ( which is f_cking awesome.) I got Red Riding Hood (with Amanda Sigfreid - which I had seen in the theater.) My husband thought it was boring and kept falling asleep so ofcourse during exciting parts I would shout in amazement or shock and try to purposely wake him up "by accident" which worked. But once James was out of work; him, Molly, and Ryan came and picked me up. It was about 7 pm. They are from New Hampshire (and I am back in Mass now) so they are unfamiliar with places around here. I took them to Building 19 which is like a broken down department store. Where, if Im right - get their stuff from train wrecks and other various, malicious, accidents. Some stuff they have is worth buying, others not so much, but its all super cheap. It's more so just a fun place to go and look around and laugh. After shopping around in there I took them to this sub shop I used to work at next door, called DJs Roast Beef. They are known in the town for having like 20 foot subs for like $6 and they are delicious. We all put our money together and got a large italian sub, large chicken finger sub, a small pizza, and mozzarella sticks. By this time it was a little past nine and we went in sat at the stadium on the bleachers. It was dark there and kind of spooky, but with friends - its all worth it, isnt it. We had a great time!

Wednesday was nothing exciting, again, I worked all day, came home and did my little internet, dinner, clean the house, sort of thing. Today though - I had the day off. So I spent the morning lounging by the pool. I like that kids are not out of school yet, so barely anyone is there, its quiet, and its peaceful. I listened to my music on my MyTouch smart phone and took a quick dip.

When I got home from the pool - I super cleaned my house. My husband has been so lazy this week that we had three bags of trash that needed to be put togehter and tied up. I did it holding my nose and holding back the vomit. One of the bags was from Sunday after grocery shopping when I had cleaned out the fridge. The smell was horrid and there were tiny fruit flies. I wanted to kill him!

Once my stomach came back from nausea hell, I made lunch. Let me just say that the whole point of me to start blogging again was to LOSE WEIGHT. And in the past week or two that Ive been blogging, I havent even eat that much different. Although I did cut out soda, and went a whole week just having salad for dinner, I haven't gotten to the point yet where I am making concious decisions or calorie counting. But, for the record, when my weight loss challenge starts in a few weeks I will be doing so!!!! Anyways, back to lunch. I ended up refrying some leftover hamburger which I added fresh red & green peppers (my favorite food accessory with anything and everything) and I even cut up a few hot peppers and threw them in, then melted some pepperjack cheese. When it was done - I put it ontop of some romain lettuce and rolled it all up. It was delicious, and greasy :(

Last but not least today, I gave myself a new mani and pedi. I decided to use a hot pink base with black and white zebra stripes ( kind of camo looking which I love ) and a glittery gloss to coat it. I love the way it came out and can't wait to wear a cute pink outfit and go out in public now.

Now, I have to take a quick shower and get ready. I have a Dr's appointment with my Cystic Fibrosis specialist in Boston ( a check up that I dread ) I will keep you updated. Thanks for reading <3

In Town Weightloss Challenge!

2011-06-15T08:01:00.003-04:00

So... I've been trying to find a way to "motivate" my self again to lose weight. The last time I tried, which was last year, right before my wedding - I lost 20 lbs. Then I got married and gave up. This time around, I just need to keep reminding myself of how quickly time passes by and if I can just stick it out, it will be worth it in the end. The funny thing is, when I have already made the transition in my diet and exercise, it is so easy to do. The problem I am having right now is starting the journey.

An old childhood friend of mine, Chanel, works for a company called Herbal Life. And she is a weightloss coach ( I guess ) so she introduced me to something that will be starting June 27th which is just in a few weeks. Basically, it is $65 to join. With that, you get 30 healthy breakfast shakes, you meet once a week ( all of you ) in town ( where I live thank God ) and go over ideas and ways to be successful losing weight. You are weighed in every week and the challenge lasts 4-6 weeks. Everyone's joining fee is put into a "kitty pot" and every time someone gains one pound, you add in a dollar. At the end of the challenge, the top 3 people who have lost the most weight ( measured in percentages ) you get a cash reward. Also, the person with the most inches lost gets a cash reward.

It will be hard to convince my husband that this is worth me spending $65 cause things are just so tight right now. But I basically told him that no matter what- I am joining!!! So I am excited.... and I will keep you all updated. I even made an event on my facebook page to get some friends and associates to do it along with me. That way none of us will be alone, and the more, the merrier.

Here is more information: Haverhill Weightloss Challenge

Destination: Nowhere. With Friends.

2011-06-11T22:14:00.004-04:00

Some of the best memories I have with friends are times when we've just got in the car with no destination and ended up on a wild adventure! My best friend James is infamous for spontaneous, non-planned trips. And my other friend Ryan, is usually the one who brings us there. This was Ryan's first four day "mini vacation" in a long time, so we couldn't let it go wasted. Although I tried to bribe James into attending PRIDE (gay pride parade and celebration) he told me, "i dont stand for what "gay" is and has become. Thousands of gay people are flooding into Boston to find someone to take home. Thats it.. I'd rather stay home or DIE. Thank you!" For those of you who were quick to be offended by that statement, James himself, is GAY! And so is Ryan! So clearly, I thought gay pride day would be fun, apparently not....

Instead the boys came and picked me up and we decided; Destination: Nowhere.

We drove to Reading, Ma which is further out towards Boston. We decided to go to the I-Max theater at Jordan's Furniture to see the movie SUPER 8. Ofcourse the whole car ride consists of (seatbelts choking me and suffocating my breasts) jamming out the radio and singing at the top of our lungs, and making a few wrong turns because the GPS/Navigation lady is a few seconds delayed, lol.

Here is the movie trailer for SUPER 8 - which was an incredible movie!!

Before the movie though, James was just staaarved, so hungry that he probably believed that if he didnt eat soon he would die. Luckily, Fuddrucker's is located in the same building, so we stopped there. It was delicious. You stand in line, order your burger, have a seat, when your number is called go up and grab your stuff and like buffet style you put the pickles, lettuce, etc on. The burgers are huge. And the fries were delicious. They were crispy on the outside and mooshy on the inside, just the way I like them :)

It was funny because there were alot of mirrors in the resteraunt. Ryan kept getting illusionized. After a few minutes after looking into mirror after mirror around us, he started to not know what was "real life" anymore.

Besides walking through a humongous furniture store before hitting the I-Max theater (which seats 500 people and when we bought the tickets 348 were sold already) there is a light show, which I am bummed I didnt get pictures of, and a trapeeze show, where you can pay money and do yourself with the pro's ofcourse. As well as a few other little candy shops and ice cream stops.

The picture below, everything is made out of jelly beans!!!!

(James and Ryan on the left and me with the boys on the Right)

After the movie it was about 6 p.m., we were about a half an hour away from home, in a far away land we had never been to. We asked Mrs. GPS where the nearest Friendly's was, because ofcourse, our adventure was about to come to an end, and we refused. So.... we drove into Stoneham, Ma. Acting a fool and came upon this tiny little Friendly's that looked like it had once been a fire station. The line was out the door and we sarcasticly joked with a few people waiting, then took off embaressed (I am infamous for saying horrible things infront of other people to embaress my friends haha.) We ended up in Lawrence, a ghetto city near our home town, where we sat down in their local Friendly's. Although, it should have been called "Bitchies" because absolutely EVERY waitress in that place was a douche. We joked to ourselves, and a little outloud about how horrid the girls in there were acting, and ofcourse ordered ourselves an icecream, a fribble, ate, laughed, then took off.

( James and I sharing a strawberry fribble <3 )

We barely wanted the night to end, but with nothing else to do, and Ryan having a bad stomach ache from eating his burger "rare" we all decided to go home. Ofcourse, tomorrow is Sunday, and the third out of fourth day off that he has, and once again I am sure we will find something else to do....... until then.... muah!

Extreme Couponing!

2011-06-11T11:53:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to share a friend's blog with you. She has recently gotten into "extreme couponing" and has very easy to understand web videos on Youtube, as well as info on her blog on how to do this! I sat up for hours lastnight watching on my phone, in bed, at midnight. Her name is Vanessa and you can visit her at Deal Loving Diva :) If you comment her, just tell her that I sent you.....

100 Follower Give-Away!

2011-06-08T12:06:00.003-04:00

As I've been checking out other blogs, today I came across an awesome contest that will offer the winner 7 different, amazing, nail polishes. Check out the blog and enter to win at Here Comes the Sun!

Besides that cool give away. Today I don't have to be to work until 2 pm so I had all morning to do what I want. I got all dolled up in my bathing suit around 9 am just to walk down to the pool to realize it's not open on the week days yet. I'm assuming once school is out and the 16 year old life guard can be there, it will open Monday through Friday. Can't wait.

So instead my mom came over. She asked me to give her a mani and pedi and ofcourse I said yes. Practice makes perfect and I want to perfect my skills before I start doing other people's nails, which I will be very soon. I have alot of ideas in mind, which I cannot share right now, but some very exciting things will be happening for me very soon.....

Here are some pictures - enjoy!

I used a silver base, black zebra stripes, and glossy top coat.

Zebra Nails

2011-06-06T19:47:00.002-04:00

After becoming suddenly allergic to acrylic nails, I had to somehow find a way to make my finger nails look cute again....

Through out my teenage years I had acrylic nails. They were long and always had an extravagant design on them. In my mid 20's ( I am 29 now ) I "all of a sudden" became allergic. Whenever I would have my nails done, my fingers would break out in these little red, itchy, dots, and my fingers would swell. Maybe it was just eczema? But it was unbareable. I then started to pay more money and get gel nails. After 6 months of that, the same thing would happen. I assumed that it was one of the chemicals. So after a few years I even experimented and tried to "do" them myself. Being quite the perfectionist and already very creative and crafty, I knew I'd be able to. I was right, they came out great, but once again, the same thing happened! Now I assume that I am just allergic to the super glue, or maybe that my finger nails are suffocating and cannot breath. Whatever the reason may be, I had to find a way to still make my nails LOOK CUTE! I began to obsess over nail polish.

Those of you that don't know me, I don't mean to brag, but I am pretty well put together. I have very bad obsessive compulsive disorder, in the sense that I am constantly matching things right down to the tee. Whatever color shirt I am wearing for the day, I probably have on a matching hair piece, head band, earrings, bracelets, eye make up, and sometimes even shoes and socks! With that said, if I have enough time in the morning I also change my nail polish to match my out fit for the day.

Recently I decided to try and paint zebra stripes. I actually did a great job and it didnt take as long as I imagined it would have. It was very easy because the stripes don't have to be straight and perfect, they just need to have a pattern.

Don't mind the few blotches on my skin,

I didn't touch it up before the picture!

I used Shades of the Season white polish for the base.

Then I took Kiss black polish (with the thin brush) to draw on the stripes.

To top it off with a glossy coat I used Confetti's.

This picture is a week into my mani & pedi.

As you can see, I havent changed my polish and it still looks great!

There are a few minor chips, but overall, I love the design so much that it's stuck :)

I have also recently began blogging again and I came across this amazing blog, A Polished Touch, who does her own nails and they look stunning!!! She has alot of very creative, fabulous, colorful designs that I am going to use as inspiration for my own. Please check out her blog, leave her some leave, and check out these pictures below to see her nail painting talent.

What is your favorite nail polish color or design??!!

Fat Chic, Lil' Bikini

2011-06-03T11:29:00.003-04:00

It's summer time. Some of us start buying swim wear before the sun even peaks out in spring time, as soon as the bikinis hit the racks. Then, the other half of us struggle to find one that fits our curves and looks appropriate enough to wear out in public.

I spent a majority of my last three years on Hampton Beach while I lived there. Before that, I would hardly ever step foot on the beach, I'd prefer a private pool to show off my cellulite thighs rather than amongst thousands of hundred pound women who have less than an inch of fat on their bones. The scrutiny that women endure while just trying to have a good time is horrible and it puts most of us in fear. I started with a pair of shorts and a tank top, then upgraded to a "tankini" with a pair of booty shorts, and I will often wear a cover up or a sun dress until I tan or swim and am comfortable enough to rip it off infront of everyone. But it's said that practice makes perfect. And after enough times out on the beach, with friends and family, and having such an accepting husband I finally feel proud enough to wear whatever I want, wherever I want without worrying or carrying what other people think when they look at me. I am who I am, accept it.

Given, every woman has body images and insecurities but plus size women have to deal with them in more of a negative light. We have all been on the beach, at the lake, or pool side when a larger woman has walked up wearing something skimpy and we "ooohed" and "ahhhhed" saying, "oh no she didnt!?" I have shaken my head at a few instances as well, and I am well over 200 lbs. But there have also been those other times that I have looked at another large woman and thought to myself, "she looks cute. And good for her for having the confidence to wear that!" It's empowering!

At what point in our society will we all finally just accept that over weight or obese women can also be beautiful? I'm not saying that it is necessarily healthy, but to each their own, right? We all have opinions and we are all going to judge one another in some form, but maybe it's best to keep those negative judgements to ourselves. It's beach time. We are going to see anorexic women, healthy women, chunky women, and obese women on the beach wearing whatever they want. My thought is that no matter what size you are, do not be embaressed. Be proud. Wear what makes you feel beautiful and sexy. Don't cover up for the sake of others. Don't put that bikini back on the rack if that is what you truly want. And I am not just saying this because I am plus size myself and expect the same type of treatment. Because my personality, and my outlook on people will never change. When I finally do lose 100 lbs I am still going to look at other women the same and root for them no matter what size they are!

I came across an artist on DeviantArt.com, his name is Lardmeister and he has some awesome work that I just wanted to share with you. Enjoy.

Beauty or Just Pain?

2011-06-02T22:50:00.004-04:00

Corset Piercings.

The "corset" was an undergarment very popular in the 1800's that was worn under garments by women to portray an hour glass figure. It is now one of the newest forms of body modification. Most people who get corset piercings use standard bead rings which a length of ribbon is weaved through.

I personally love the look of most corset piercings.

Corset piercing starts with the creation of two rows of piercings on either side of the spine. Once these heal, they can be laced with ribbons and pulled tight. The person wearing this piercing must be very strict about keeping the area clean, which is difficult when the piercings are on your back. Risks of this kind of body modification include infection, rejection of the jewelry, and unsightly scarring. So doctors are concerned with this procedure and says it is very risky.

Also, what most people don't realize is that they should not be done permanantly. This type of piercing is reccomended to only be temporary. Wether for fun, a photo shoot, or a circus act! If not removed there is a very high risk that the rings used in the skin will indeed be rejected, which then the wounds will become irritated and can leave ugly, unwanted, scars.

I looked around at places in the area that offer this, which aren't many, and it seems the average cost for a 6 bar, 12 ring, corset piercing is around $250.00

Another risky procedure that I came across while researching corset piercings was tattooing your eye balls. Specifically, the whites of your eye balls (sclera) in wild colors. It is most common in jail inmates but has been said to have been done outside the jail walls as well. Ophthalmologists say eyeball tattoos are dangerous and could lead to infection, perforation, hemorrhages or even blindness and should not be done.

This to me, is just outrageous and distgusting. This seems extremely permanant and irriversible. I coulnd't find alot of pictures or more information but I did find this MSNBC clip from a Lockup episode which aired in 2010 starring a few inmates that had done it.

What are your takes on Corset Piercings? Beauty or just pure pain? Would you do it? Or do you know someone who has done it? I would probably do it if it didn't hurt as much and didn't have such permanant damage or risk of infection. I wont even ask about the eye ball tattoos, that is just plain ridiculous!

I'mmmm Bacccckkk!!!

2011-06-02T14:07:00.000-04:00

It is summer time. The tree tops are swaying outside my new living room window and the sun is peaking through the clouds as I write this. Alot has changed since my last entry. I am now a married woman, as our 10 month anniversary is creeping up in just a few weeks. We also moved off of Hampton Beach back to our home town in Massachusetts - Haverhill. A mere 20 minute ride on the high way and yet so much feels different. I am closer to my mom and my best girl friends. The streets are busier and the nights are louder out side the window. My dogs bark at every single sound in the hallways, as we are now in a one bedroom apartment building. Our little community does come with a pool, which I have not had the pleasure to go lay out or swim at, because I have been sick for the past three weeks. Currently I am sitting in a tight black tank top and some black booty shorts on my couch drinking an 8 oz glass of Go-Lytely which tastes like salt water. And I'm supposed to drink 1 pint every 20 minutes until 4 liters is gone if I can bare it. Thus, I will be in the bathroom non stop as every fiber in my intestines is washed away. My cystic fibrosis has non chalantly caught up with me causing a stool obstruction in my upper and lower intestines. I have no shame in saying these distugusting, embaressing, things. This is the life I was born into and these are the struggles and sicknesses I face every once in awhile. Accept me for who I am, or don't accept me at all.

I feel as though I have been missing some creativity in my life. Although I would love to start making my own hair or jewelry accessories, or other small crafts. The just over minimum wage job I have does not permit me to have extra monies to do so. So I will start blogging again. I hope to find something interesting to share with you all. Maybe my best friend James and I will start to critique food, or shop on a budget and show you what you can find at a thrift shop? I haven't decided yet. Needless to say, you will be seeing more of me!!!

Do It Yourself Wedding Crafts!

2010-08-10T10:06:00.002-04:00

I haven't had internet for a couple weeks, but I am back now. With that said, while I was away and had no contact with the cyber world I made sure that I did many awesome things for my wedding - which is coming up in just 19 days!!!!!

These are all Do-It-Yourself crafts that I have made with items from The Dollar Tree, Building 19, Michael's Craft Store, Joanne's Fabrics, Walmart & Staples. Here you go - any questions email/write me.

Important:

Make sure you have a Hot Glue Gun and Glue sticks for these projects - at Walmart $4.99

I also used alot of Vellum Paper ( which is like Tracing Paper) - at Staples $11.99/package

I also used alot of Plain White Paper from my home computer, I used Microsoft Works ( I dont have Word)

and I also made sure to download awesome fonts from http://www.dafont.com/ before I started!

Alot of Different Color/Shaped Ribbons - from Walmart, Michaels, or Joann's for $.99-$4.99/each

V.I.P Head Table Numbers

( Which I am using for my Parent/Sibling tables )

-Large Corinthian Candles (which I purchased for $1.00 each at Dollar Tree)

-Clean the Candles to ensure the glue will stick

-Print out your Design from your home computer/printer onto the Vellum Paper

-Wrap the vellum paper around the candle & use the hot glue gun to glue on

My candles have the table number and an exerp from the Bible -

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres"

Aswell as, "Felicty & Paul Merrill, August 29th 2010"

Table Number Candle Votives

-Clean the Votives to ensure the glue will stick properly

-Print out what you want the candles to say onto the vellum paper (which is like tracing paper)

-Fit the vellum paper around the candle, cut, and glue on with a hot glue gun

(one strip of glue on the candle and then where the paper overlaps is just fine)

-Then glue the ribbon around the bottom of the candle

-Glue the fancy damask paper clips (or whatever you are using) onto each candle

-Print out table numbers & use a paper cutter to cut exact size for each one

My candles say - "Thank You for Sharing Our Special Day,

on this Sunday of August the 29th 2010, Mrs. and Mr. Felicity and Paul Merrill"

Personalized Candle Votives

-Clean the Votives to ensure the glue will stick properly

-Print out what you want the candles to say onto the vellum paper

-Fit the vellum paper around the candle, cut, and glue on

-Tie little bows with the Ribbon & glue onto the candles

-Glue on little diamond accents or other embellishments

My personalized candles say - "Felicity and Paul, August 29, 2010, Mr. and Mrs. Merrill"

Designed in a repeated pattern using different fonts & colors on each line.

Bride & Groom Candle

-Clean the Votives to ensure the glue will stick properly

-Print out what you want the candles to say onto the vellum paper once again

-Fit the vellum paper around the candle, cut, and glue on

-Cut a strip of fancy Ribbon going upwards on the overlap of the paper

-Glue on another piece of Fancy vertical Ribbon

-Glue on more accent pieces - I used diamonds!

My Bride candle says, "Bride, Felicity Eliza"

My Groom candle says, "Groom, Paul Francis"

Head Table Candles

( one for the Bride's Maid table & one for the Groom's Men table )

-Large cylinder Vase perchused at The Dollar Tree for $1.00/each

-Cleaned the glass, printed on the vellum paper, glued onto the Vase

-Filled each Vase with Purple Sand which I got at The Dollar Tree for $1.00/each

Also stuck in a beautiful Tapered Candle from The Dollar Tree for $1.00/package of 4

-Then I glued on a designer ribbon around each Vase

These candles say, "Mr. and Mrs. Felicity and Paul Merrill"

"August 29th 2010"

Program Scrolls

-Use fancy paper. I bought this paper above at Staples for $9.99/package

( the front has a damask footer/header and the back is a repeated damask pattern )

-Design a personalized Program which includes the bridal party or the Food Menu

( on mine I included my bridal party and my ceremony reading aswell as our monogram)

-Print onto this paper from your home computer or have a friend help if you aren't too saavy

-Roll into iddy biddy scrolls and wrap one or two pieces of ribbon around & tie shut

These are a great touch to any table or ontop of a charger plate & napkin!

Personalized Confetti

-You will need a HOLE PUNCHER for this project

( I used a 1.50'' inch hole puncher which I purchased at Joann's Fabrics for $9.99 )

-I did a repeated, spaced out pattern on my computer (Microsoft Word or Works will do)

-Use different fonts and different font colors & Print out onto the Vellum paper

-Then use the hole puncher to cut out each piece! Voila! You got confetti!

Ring Bearer's Pillow

-Cheap pillow from The Dollar Tree for $1.00

( I cut off the ribbon that was already around it. I know! Who would have thought!? )

-Use a beautiful thick Patterned Ribbon (or fabric) and glue around the pillow

-Then take a slimmer ribbon (or fabric) and glue ontop of the prior ribbon

-Glue an embellishment into the center of each side of pillow

( I used a large diamond piece that I actually cut from old flip-flops haha

But you could use your last name Initial or anything you'd like )

Personalized Guest Book

-Guest book purchased at Joann's Fabrics for $14.99 (came in nice box w/attached pen)

( Also - this book came with the tooling & heart embellishment at the top so I was lucky)

-Glue onto the bottom of the book (open & glue inside aswell as a continued pattern from outside)

the Fancy thick Ribbon you used for Ring pillow & then the smaller thin ribbon

-Then wrap each piece of ribbon around the pen and glue that on aswell to match!

-Glue on an Initial embellishment or Jewel. I used an "M" for my new last name, Merrill.

Which I puchased a package of alphabets from Joann's on clearance for a buck!!!!

Personalized Card Box

-Purchase a cheap or a fancy card box anywhere

( I got mine already satin, with diamond accent top at Joann's for $24.99)

-Glue on the same fancy thick & thin ribbon or fabric you used for your ring pillow & guest book

around the center of the box (going all the way around the box)

-Place your Initial onto the front & use the hot glue gun to glue

( I got my letter at Michael's for $1.99 I think and just kept it white without painting it )

-Stick a fancy bow, ribbon, or fake matching flowers ontop if you want

Main Flower Girl's Bouquet

This bouquet will be used by my step-daughter,

she is too young to be a bride's maid but to old to carry a flower basket.

And to be quite honest, I couldn't afford another $50-100 bouquet from my Florist.

All I did was purchase 3 fake purple roses from Michaels at $1.19/each

-Cut all the leaves off of the stems (you will glue them back on later)

-Wrap the 3 flowers together with fancy ribbon (and glue on together)

-Use tooling & other thin ribbon to make 2 bows and tie (aswell as glue onto bouquet)

-Once my bouquet was done I glued the leaves back on, at just the top of the bouquet as you can see.

By all means, if you cannot afford a florist you could do this with all of your bouquets.

These are my Bride's Maids bouquets that I purchased from a florist

Here is Most of my matching Wedding Decor

As you can see I went with a Damask black & white pattern with Purple accents

I had a blast using my home computer printing on the Vellum paper,

and I always used different designs, and different colored fonts also -

which I placed on different sized candles and glass vases.

You can do the same to give your wedding a personalized feel, for cheap!!

I also made a ton of personalized wine glasses as Gifts for my Bride's Maids and other people who helped me with this wedding - my Justice of the Peace, Photographer, Cake Designer, etc.

Pictures and Post next time ;)

Slacking?

2010-07-14T06:39:00.001-04:00

I was on vacation for 10 days and when I went back to work on Monday I weighed in 4 lbs extra. Bummed out. But not quite a surprise. That's what happens when you eat burgers & dogs on the grill for 10 days and dont eat salad or any fresh fruit and vegetables. I also didnt consume any water that whole time (since I only drink water at work - I hate it) and I did drink alot of wine coolers and soda. I'm hoping to lose that 4 lbs by Friday, but very doubtful considering I havent worked out and although Ive started eating a little better again, I need to continue to count calories. Which I havent done in about 2 weeks. Im just slacking. Thats it really. A part of me thinks its cuz I have been so stressed out and depressed lately. That maybe Im emotionally eating or acting out? I dont know what it is. Just laziness possibly? Takes more effort to cut up veggies and fruits and eat them for snacks rather than just pour out some chips on a plate. I dont know what my problem is. But I loved the way it felt when I was losing 3 lbs a week and when my stomach wasnt bothering me because I over ate. I need some new motivation. I need to figure something out. Happy Hump Day everyone!

Team Bride

2010-07-13T09:31:00.001-04:00

So over the weekend my Bridesmaids and I decided to head over to Michael's Crafts and pick up some t-shirts and iron ons to make 'TEAM BRIDE' shirts. Which they'll wear for my bridal shower in 2 weeks and probably half way through the wedding reception when they change out of their dresses... here are the pics.

Beware of the Sun!

2010-07-07T09:45:00.002-04:00

This is what I look like after 6 hours in the sun yesterday with multiple applications of SPF 70 sunblock. (Although in this picture to you I may not look so bad, you cannot tell that I am actually badly sunburned and swollen, but I am. The swelling is more of a inconvenience for me than the burn.)

And while I swam the ocean and layed out in the sun, not one symptom of a burn appeared. Not even lastnight, hours later after a shower. Only when I woke up this morning did I see my forehead, eyes, ears, and neck swollen and burnt. Not to mention the top of my forehead leaking a little bit. My skin feels tight and I look and feel like complete shit. I was told to take some Ibuprofen or Benadryl to get the swelling to go down and to apply a cold compress to my forehead, bath in cool water, and use Aloe through out the day. Sadly for me, I am carless, refuse to go out beneath the sun to walk to the store, and all I have is Aspirin & Aloe. Hopefully someone will save me from my misery and maybe even drop some icecream off aswell!

The sad part about the sun is that we just do not realize how strong it is. I remember falling asleep on the beach as a teenager, getting burnt, and having the best tan all summer long. Nothing like whats going on now a days. I did not even realize I was burning until almost 24 hours later, which is very scary. The harm that the sun can actual do to your body is hirendous and I caution everyone to be very careful when out in the sun.

In the case of sun poisoning

The reaction is a bit more severe than a "sun burn" and the symptoms may become seriously uncomfortable. A typical sunburn involves itching, redness, and peeling. Severe sunburns may also be accompanied by small blisters that may lead to infection. Symptoms of sun poisoning also tend to include nausea, fever, headache, and dizziness and may also be accompanied by fluid loss and electrolyte imbalance.

If your symptoms are limited to mild discomfort, treat your skin the way you would treat any sunburn. Stay hydrated, apply ice or cold compresses to reduce swelling or itching, and take aspirin. Apply aloe if it helps and keep out of the sun. Try taking beta-carotene supplements as they've been shown to ease inflammation. Avoid using oils or anything that contains potential irritants such as fragrances and exfoliants.

On the other hand, if the burn is more painful or you exhibit any of the systemic symptoms listed above, step up your efforts to cool down and hydrate. Drink plenty of fluids and take a bath in cool (not cold) water. Pat skin dry-don't rub-and stay in a cool environment until your symptoms ease.

And to think, I am supposed to look beautiful tomorrow and go to David's Bridal to make my final decision on a dress. To decide if I am going to pick up the one I already put on hold, or if I am going to try on 100 more and change my mind. Plus they are having an awesome sale tomorrow so I have to make it. Even if I still look like this. Ill just wear sunglasses all day!

One thing that makes me happy - I gave myself a beautifl mani - pedi lastnight. I used some light nailpolish and did the tips in silver sparkle. Looks great :)

UPDATE: Two days later after my nasty sunburn and the fluids that swelled my forehead have now swelled my left eye shut. I look horrible and can barely see. Im continuing to use benadryl and ibuprofen while frequently holding ice on my face...

Three days after and the fluids out of my upper eyelid and now just beneath my eye and throughout my nose and cheeks. I look completely different & too horrified to post pictures. Some people say to wash my face with whole milk or soaken wet warm tea bags but Im just hoping when I wake up tomorrow I will be back to normal :(

4th of July

2010-07-05T18:05:00.001-04:00

We celebrated the 4th of July at our house. it started out at 10 am. We had hot dogs and cheeseburgers for lunch, potato salad, and pasta salad, that my sister in law Phylicia made to munch on through out the day. We ended up with roasted veggies that I made and grilled chicken for dinner, at which the propane ran out and we had to finish on the stove top! My mother in law and her husband showed up, aswell as my sister in law Jessica with her fiance (who shes marrying next month too) and their daughter Anayra. And also PJ's best friend and his family. It was a great day. We hung out on the porch, chugged wine coolers and beers, talked, laughed, reminisced, and then watched the fireworks at 10 pm. PJ had been drinking all day so was passed out by 8 pm but overall, it was the best holiday we have had in the last couple years <3

My sister in law Phylicia and her boyfriend Elvis

My husband to be, nephew Damion, and myself

Me and the love of my life

PJ and his mother, Karen

PJ, his friend Dave, and his stepfather Rob

PJ and his long time friend and "brother" Dave

Dave's fiance Christina & their daughter Alexis

My babe just hanging out, drinking the day away

PJ, my sister in law Jessica & her fiance Johnny

PJ and Johnny

My nephew Damion and his momma, Phylicia

Phylicia and Elvis again

My brother in law Jeremy, his wife Kristina, and my neice Sierra

PJ passed out on the couch at 8:30 PM

Hope everybody else had a great holiday weekend too :) Toodles

My Summertime Porch!

2010-07-03T12:09:00.000-04:00

I finally spent a little bit of money lastnight and got some flowers for our deck. I didn't get to spend as much as I would have liked to, but atleast now its nice and cozy out there - so Im extremely happy :) Plus, this is our first summer at our new house, it's a smaller porch than we had last year, but it overlooks the ocean from the end of it and I can also be nosey and "people watch" all day long haha. Here are some pictures from this morning....

And here are a few pictures from our old deck, from last year & the summer before.

It was much bigger but we had to share it with the neighbors (even though Im the one who spent all the money to make it beautified) and it was further away from the beach. Plus, all it overlooked was all the traffic that occured all summer long. Not to mention, it was right next to WALLY'S (a biker bar) so all we could hear 24/7 were motorcycles and morons.

Dear July

2010-07-02T09:57:00.002-04:00

Dear July,

I am writing to you today so you know exactly what I expect from you in the next 4 weeks. I have already lost 17 lbs and am ony 10 away from my first goal of 250 lbs. I would be very happy with a 3 lb a week loss which would put me over my goal and make me a very happy, spoiled, girl. This will happen with the right diet (which means more salad and less hamburgers on the grill) and some exercise. I would also like to take some extra money and buy some new running sneakers and work-out gear. Don't tell me that I dont have the money because I will cry!

Also, dont let me stress this month. I want to put my worries to the side and just have more faith in God. That He will take care of all my needs and give me some of my "wants" aswell. I just want to be able to keep up with my bills, pick up my wedding dress, get wedding rings, and atleast put a deposit down on the cake. Oh ya! And most importantly, get our marriage license before the end of you, July, comes.

And during my 10 day vacation please give me some fun! I want to see my mom. I want to spend some time with friends. And I want PJ to come out of the house more with me. I know that you can't make him do that. But maybe, just maybe, he will have a change of laziness and want to do something with me and the dogs on the beach! If you could keep the really hot weather to a minimum (cuz he hates it) and just give us a cool breeze and lots of sunshine that would probably do the trick. And if I lay out in the sun, please don't burn me. I just want a nice, sleek, tan for my upcoming wedding.

If you could do all these things I ask, July - I will be extremely happy and greatful. Thanks for listening!

Make sure to check out my Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner links above for yummy, quick, meals!

8 Week Weigh - In

2010-07-01T17:24:00.001-04:00

Starting Weight - 277 lbs

Current Weight - 260 lbs

First Mini Goal - 250 lbs

17 lb Loss in 8 Weeks

So today was my 8th week weigh in and I was down 1 lb. Which kind of bummed me out cause when I weighed in early yesterday morning I was down almost 3 lbs. (Must of been the candy I ate at lunch and the burger I had for dinner lastnight. Ohwell, no one's perfect.) I just cant wait to get to my first mini goal, which is now only 10 lbs away. I finally feel like losing weight doesnt seem so impossible anymore. And it isnt even torturous. I am fine without soda, fast food, and junk. I eat lots of delicious healthier foods instead! And Im so anxious to go out & buy some running sneakers and new work-out clothes soon. I think that will motivate me even more to go walking daily, or to pass by the gym with my friend from work. I dont have a gym membership anymore, and even the cheapest gym is too expensive for me right now. So Im just looking forward to getting married, buying a new car, and getting a membership again. If I am losing 1-3 lbs a week just by changing my diet I cant even imagine how much weight I would lose from exercising daily. I am so excited. This new lifestyle change has really made me happier lately, I feel so much better about myself. Im kind of bummed I didnt take an "official" before picture at 277 lbs but here is me at 260 in the mirror this morning. The best I could get since PJ was too lazy to take one for me, lol. Mind you, I have no bra on so I am saggy as a 90 year old woman. But you get the drift - you can see my 2 rolls there!!!!

My theory is that when you think/feel hott that you will obviously have more motivation & energy to do something you were once dreading. For instance, I would much rather go out walking or exercising in some brand new sneakers and gear, than my old run down Skechers and sweats!!!! I think that's what is holding me back. Why would I wanna job or walk the beach in some old crappy clothes? Embaressing!!!!

So.... what do you wear when you are exercising?

And do you feel better about yourself doing it when you think you are dressed in something cute and comfy??

Just Venting.

2010-06-29T14:42:00.002-04:00

I just need to vent, to this quiet computer of mine. That can't talk back and tell me to calm down and take it easy, that everything will be okay. Because in the back of my mind, I already know that. I just cant seem to stop worrying still.

Not being able to pay for the wedding of my dreams, surprisingly, isnt my biggest concern. Cause I can settle for lasagna instead of catering, and an ugly, cheap, dress instead of the one I really want and deserve. But when I owe my landlord rent, and I get a shut off notice each week in the mail for another one of my damn utilities, it really starts to take a toll on me.

I feel really bad for PJ. Because he has been working 2 days overtime each week just to get an extra couple hundred dollars in his paycheck. Which for someone else would do a whole lot. But for someone who owes taxes, unemployment, and pays out of his ass in child support - by the time we get the cash in our hands it's quickly paying something else. I cant bitch at him anymore about doing more for us and supporting me because he is doing the absolute best he can. And sad to say it just isnt good enough. Not that its not good enough for me, cause it is. But its not good enough for the world cause everyone just wants more of our money each week. Somehow his 2006 taxes got rejected and we didnt know till now, so they are about to take his wages if he doesnt re-do them by the end of the week. How are we supposed to redo his taxes, for 3 employers? When we have no money and we aren't very tax savy? Feels like things are mere impossible for us lately :(

And It just seems like we cant catch a break. I wish I could do more. I am only getting 30-33 hours in the pharmacy, and even if I was able to get 40 I doubt myself that I have enough physically energy to be on my feet that long. I wish things were easier. I know that other people in the world have bigger problems than mine. But when it comes down to it, there problems really dont matter. Cause I am the only one that has to deal with mine. Im driving a '90 Mercedes Benz - the window doesnt roll down, the handle broken off so I use plyers to open my door, my a.c. doesnt work, and the car oversheats after 15 minutes of traffic. And I cant even afford to lease a car or buy a new shitbox for $500.

And while trying to be happy after losing a baby, because we are now getting married, on the day that we would have had a baby..... it's almost impossible because of all the financial issues we are going through. Sometimes I wish I hadnt even decided to get married because it just seems like its extra strain on us, and my mom and Tim. Who are also going through enough of their own to have to worry about helping me make even half my dreams come true. It's so pathetic. We are getting married to do right under God, which we then believe he will open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing upon us that we wont know what to do with. And whenever I am in doubt of pulling off this wedding PJ reminds me of how its not about material things, its about the commitment we are making to eachother. So God will make it happen and He will provide for us a way to get married.

But each day, our date comes closer and I worry more. And right now I am just so tired and drained that all I wanna do is take a shower and curl up into bed. But I have to work in 2 hours. I really wish I had the balls just to call out because I am in a bad mood. But then that wouldnt be the responsible thing to do. Because we really need the money. So its a lose, lose situation for me today. Im sweaty, and hormonal from my period, and miserable. And I just wish that a big fairy Godmother would come sweeping in and grant me one wish - and that wish I would ask for a million bucks to make my life alot easier.

I just need to keep telling myself that worrying this much isnt going to change anything. Just working harder, being more positive, and praying to God - those are the things that will make something happen. I cannot worry myself sick when I have so many things good in my life to be thankful for. I have an amazing fiance 7 years, we will be getting married and celebrating our 8th yr anniversary together in August. We have a car, granted its a shitbox. We have a roof over our head, granted we owe a little bit of past due rent. We have food on our table, even if we have to spend $50 less on groceries. We both have jobs, even though we dont make much money atleast we are not unemployed. If worst came to worst atleast we would always have my mothers house to move to * I hope* I have my best friend who is also my mother, I have Tim which is her Fiance and they both help us out tremendously. I have great friends who I never see, but are always there to talk to. I have cystic fibrosis and my health has been fine.

Sorry for rambling on- blog. I just really needed you to listen to me for 10 minutes before my head blew up!

I Joined Twitter.

2010-06-29T10:28:00.000-04:00

Joined cuz I have nothing better to do. If you're already tweeting then click the birdy on the right to follow me now. We'll see how I like it. Although I dont really know anyone else close to me yet, who tweets. I did start following some celebs. Like P Diddy and Ellen Degeneres. My two favorite peeps of all time <3

On another note... I don't have to work till 5 today and although I set myself up for great goals this week I have already failed Monday and Tuesdays. It is just WAY too hot outside to go walking, and with only an a.c. in my bedroom, too hot to do a workout on Demand in my living room. Shux. I failed myself.....

Hopefully I will still lose 2-3 lbs this week just from eating right? Hmmm. I did have a delicious breakfast. I made what I like to call "Aba Bagel" That is a toasted bagel thin, with almond butter spread ontop, and chunks of apple. People love apples and peanut butter, right? So it seemed like a pretty good idea. And tasted very good. Try it.

Also, my aunt is picking up the stamps for my wedding invitations today or tomorrow which means I can finally send them out this weekend. Which I am very excited to do. I am anxious to see how many replies I get back and to rearrange my seating chart and finish off my escort cards and table cards too. Luckily I am very creative and very talented, so I havent been limited only to spending money and buying things. I have been able to make alot of stuff myself. Which I am very proud of and Im sure I will look back and all the stress and hours spent at mine or my mother's kitchen table will actually make me smile at some point :) Anyways - going to be lazy for another few more hours. Have a great Tuesday everyone!!!

What's For Dinner Tonight?

2010-06-28T18:27:00.001-04:00

Grilled chicken (not shown), zuchini, summer squash, baby carrots, diced potato, and fresh cilantro. Delicious.

I tend to eat alot of sandwiches and the same ol' same all the time. It's always chicken. But usually a roll-up with lettuce and cheese, maybe some veggies, and always chicken for dinner with some other sort of side mixture. I really dont know what else to make? I do not like italian foods, so pasta and anything with sausage or tomato is out. I dont often eat alot of steak or porkchop, though I do love it, I just don't know what to cook with it as a delicious combination? Besides a baked potatoe & rice! And while dieting that is a dish I am trying to stay away from as much as possible. Also - Im having a problem with breakfasts. Because I work early most of the time I normally have just a yogurt and some fruit or a cereal bar. When Im home for a couple hours before work I might toast a bagel thin and on the weekends, PJ and I might enjoy a big breakfast together. But when we do that - its usually a big cheese omelette, sausage, bacon, homefries, and toast. Which... in the last 7 weeks I haven't had cause I am trying to be good.

Anyways, posted some updated pics of my meals. Which you can click on the links at the top of my page. I am getting bored with facebook and have been more sucked into blogspot, but thinking about tweeter... we'll see.

What are your favorite, easy, dishes for breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

This Week's Goals

2010-06-27T21:23:00.001-04:00

I am going to try something new. Setting up weekly goals. This way not only will I be eating healthy. But I will be getting some exercise into my routine and maybe lost more than 2 lbs a week, which seems to be my average. I would really like to see 4-5 lbs. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions to make this happen?

Monday -
Jillian Michael's On Demand 30 minute workout video

Tuesday -
Walk 2 miles on the Beach early in the morning
3 minute Wallsit at work and 1 minute Plank

Wednesday -
50 Crunches and 50 Squats
Maybe hit the gym with Nikki as her guest at night

Thursday -
Bob's On Demand 30 minute workout video

Friday -
25 Push ups and 25 Leg Exercises early in the morning before work

Saturday -
Lay out in the sun and walk 1 mile on the Beach

Sunday -
Relax all day long and do whatever I want

My Hand-made Escort Cards

2010-06-27T17:16:00.003-04:00

So this morning was our cake testing. PJ asked to stay home because he worked 60 hours this week and didn't have a day off yet and wanted to sleep in. So I told him that if he didn't go that he had no say in cake design or flavor lol, which works for me cause we couldn't agree anyways haha. So I met my mom at Walmart, cashed my check and then we went to Starbucks. We both ordered black cherry frappacino's and sat down. My appointment was at 10:00 am, 10:15 rolled by and I tried to call my cake designer and got the voicemail. I figured she probably just forgot but ended up that her daughter was sick and she had left me an email, but because I never check my email I didnt get it. Ohwell. A little miscommunication on both our ends so we just rescheduled. Since my mom drove up a half hour and was in the area we decided to do a little shopping. We went over to Joanne's Fabrics and I ended up buying 150 White card sheets, glitter glue, and some vellum papers with cute little love phrases on each. After saying goodbye to my lovely mother I sat at my dining room table for approximately 5 hours making my escort cards. Luckily the photo department at work let me borrow their paper cutter so it made things easy for me....

Here is how I made my escort cards!

First I cut 60 foldable plain, white cards.

Then I cut 60 smaller, cream, matted pieces of paper.

I then glued the matted paper ontop of

the plain paper for a layered effect.

Then I glued a piece of vellum paper,

which had a different love quote on each - into the escort cards.

Then I took a black pen & hand-drew swirls onto each card.

I did 4 different designs to total a count of 60 escort cards.

I then took my purple and silver glitter glue and did the designs.

Then I decided to go through them all and

put a silver stripe down them also.

They actually look even more beautiful in person.

The silver sparkles just like diamonds, which I love.

Now they are drying on my dining room table.

As soon as I get the wedding replies in the mail,

I will tweek my seating chart a bit and then

write in the names and table numbers onto each.

And maybe this week, since I have alot of paper left over

I will hand-make all the Table number cards also.

Now.... how I sat that long and did such a great job when I am totally miserable & PMSing, do not ask, cause I have no clue. Maybe by the glory of God! He gave me the patience and creativity I needed, if just for 5 hours - to do what I needed to get done. I also bought the cake knife & spatula and my tiara, which I will post pictures of tomorrow. Right now I am going to get offline and lay down in bed and watch some tv. My back is killing me and I need to rest before another long week at work..... night <3

Meeting With the Cake Designer

2010-06-26T19:06:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow we are meeting with the cake designer (shout out to Ashlee at Colville Custom Cakery) at 10 am to do a taste testing. I planned on giving her the topper, some ribbon, and some accessories that will be used on the cake, along with a deposit but ran short of that. So I feel even more stressed that I cant even give the chic $50 to save the date (though Im sure she will anyways, money is a great incentive.) The cake to the left is my inspiration for what I would like. Although not 5 tiers, I only want 3 tiers. Square. Ribbon on the bottom and the top layer. My beautiful cursive "M" topper and some diamond accessories. In the middle I would like either filligree, paisley, or swirls like on our invitations... and I was hoping for a chocolate cake with raspberry filling and maybe buttercream frosting. But PJ wants marble or vanilla and no filling at all. So we'll see what happens. I'll pretty much just show Ashlee the picture of this cake, give her a few of my ideas, and leave it all up to her, since she is the professional anyways. Im sure she will make me something beautiful <3

Besides sounding really happy about my cake, which I am - I guess since the miscarriage my body is finally back to normal? Not sure how I feel about that statement. I now have my first actual period since. And it is distgusting, sorry. It started with cravings. I just wanted to go through my fridge a few times in the middle of the night and stuff my fat face. Then I started feeling irritable and annoyed at work at the slightest things. Which, people did notice. Then the lower back cramps started and today it is just throbbing. Not to mention I am an emotional wreck. I am just so stressed out. Feeling shitty like this (might I add on a beautiful day, and I can't go lay on the beach and tan) and worrying about paying bills and paying for a wedding is driving me psychotic. Poor PJ. I am just the bride-to-be from hell. And I don't mean to be. Because he works way more hours than I do, and much harder labor (so I am actually proud and thankful of that) but I still dont like the fact that he pays $800 a month child support, our bills have been running late, we just make rent, and in the meantime of all that, we have to still pay for the cake, pay off the J.P, get his daughter a dress, still get our wedding rings, get our marriage license, and a few more decorations for the reception. I'm also worried that I haven't went and paid off my dress (a dress of which I am not 100% on, I was rushed my one and only day at the bridal shop, and everyone else liked the dress more than I did. I just need one more day to try stuff on and make a decision before paying that off) then have to find shoes and accessories and worry about how I am going to feed 200 people. We have barely any hours at work, and even if we did, I am just so run down most of the time I can barely work extra hours without collapsing! Needless to say, I just sent PJ out on a walk to find me Midol and some Cherry Garcia icecream. I felt sick all day so ate really light so I know that I am low in calories and eating a quarter of this pint will not put me over.... so that is what I am going to do now, and watch a movie with my babe as soon as he gets bac, and try to be my usual sweet self and not let this PMS ruin my life too badly. Toodles.

PS - ANYONE THAT WANTS A LAYOUT SIMILAR TO THIS, COMMENT BELOW WITH A FEW IDEAS AND/OR QUOTES, OR EMAIL ME SOME PICTURES THAT YOUD LIKE ME TO USE, AND I CAN EMAIL YOU BACK THE CODE TO COPY & PASTE. For free ofcourse. I did web design for 4 years before I started working in the pharmacy and I miss it sometimes. And... I would love to credit the site where I got all this cool stuff to make my layout, but at the moment I cant remember. I know its from one of my links on the bottom right though.

Weigh - In Thursday

2010-06-24T22:04:00.000-04:00

I am officially 16 lbs down altogether. I weighed in 2 lbs less than last week. WOOHOO. I am really tired, worked a long day and am about to crash. Just wanted to share my good news. Also, I made some goodies for my page to show my weightloss (couldnt find any, anywhere else) so feel free to check out my "Blinkies & Goodies" link (on the right) and use them for yourself aswell. I will be making more. Goodnight xox

Strive For 5

2010-06-23T21:31:00.002-04:00

CVS Caremark Challenge

Incase you weren't aware, Im a pharmacy technician for CVS and I just received an email that gives me a bit more motivation to eart right and lose weight for a reason! Money! Here is what I opened in my email:

The Strive For 5! Nutrition Challenge begins July 1. Its goal is simple - to help you eat more fruit and vegetables. Why? Because fruits and vegetables can reduce your risk for many diseases, including heart disease, stroke, and some cancers. Every step you take towards eating more fruits and veggies helps you be at your best!

Track Your Points

During the challenge, you can track your fruit and vegetable servings using a paper tracking form or online at www.CVSCaremarkWellnessReview.com and Earn 1 point for each serving of fruit and vegetables you eat between July 1 and July 31, 2010. Your goal is to earn 125 points.

Earn Rewards

Employees who meet the challenge goal will earn 5 Wellness Credits and a $50 American Express® gift card. Participants are eligible to receive a gift card once per program cycle but can receive up to 20 credits for participating in all 4 challenges. ( Find all 4 yearly challenges on the Website )

Needless to say, I am going to check it out right now and see how to sign up and join in ( I need $50 ) and I am also going to pass this information onto all of my coworkers. Seeing how our "Biggest Loser Challenge" tfor 8 weeks ends on July 8th. Which, I have lost the most amount of weight. Not the biggest percentage. But the most amount of weight. We are supposed to do a 5k Race that week but I am kind of chickening out. I can barely walk fast never mind jog or run 3 miles. We'll see what happens...... goodnight blogspot.

My Measurements

2010-06-23T07:04:00.005-04:00

14 lbs Down

I should have taken my measurements 14 lbs ago but I forgot. So, I took them lastnight. And compared them to what I had in October of 2009. Here are the Results...

LAST YEAR - OCT 25th 2010
Neck - 15''
Chest - 51''
Waist - 54''
Hips - 57''
Thighs - 31''
Calves - 19''
Upper Arms - 15''

TODAY'S MEASUREMENTS
Neck - 15''
Upper Arms - 14''
Fore Arms - 10''
Chest - 51''
Waist - 49''
Hips - 55''
Thighs - 30''
Calves - 19''

So I have lost 5 inches in my waist

2 inches in my hips

1 inch in my thighs

1 inch in my arms.

I would say altogether that is an accomplishment and I can't wait till I check my inches again next month.

On another subject - yesterday just as PJ got home from work at 4:30pm, I had to leave until 10 pm. So when he pulled up, we kissed, and I took off. To his surprise he walked into a beautifully, clean house and found his dinner waiting for him at the dining room table (which may I add - also looks out over the Atlantic Ocean cause we live RIGHT on the beach ) I also left him a sweet little love note, which we will keep the contents hush hush. But I know he loved it <3 Cant wait to be Mrs. Merrill <3